7 Days

1. JAMBO’S AHMED OBO TO REVITALIZE/REOPEN NEW VERSION OF BOBCAT BITE

“Hell, yes,” says everyone.

2. INVESTIGATORS FIND MORE CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS AT BIDEN’S CRIB

At this point, is there somewhere he didn’t leave these things lying around?

3. PROPERTY ON OLD PECOS TRAIL REZONED TO ALLOW FOR SUBDIVISION

Residents without better ideas to express abject terror at poors living near them and car trips taking a second longer than 12 minutes.

4. SANTA FE PLAZA UP FOR ‘BEST PUBLIC SQUARE’ DESIGNATION IN USA TODAY’S 10 BEST AWARDS

Finally someone says it. Maybe it’s better without the obelisk.

5. REAL WINTER SEEMS TO HAVE ARRIVED, AT LEAST FOR NOW

And it sucks despite everyone you know who insists, “We sure need the snow and moisture, though!” Our house is cold, bro, let us wallow.

6. REGAL 14 MOVIE THEATER TO CLOSE FOR REAL THIS TIME

One day, every movie will be a Marvel movie and they’ll transmit them directly into your brain—you’ll never have to go anywhere again!

7. EVEN SO, MOVIE MAKER MAGAZINE SAYS SANTA FE IS TOP CITY FOR FILMMAKERS

And worst city for people who make normal amounts of money and have the audacity to want to live inside.