7 Days

1.VAMPIRE FACIALS ARE BACK IN THE NEWS WITH SALON OWNER’S INDICTMENT We hear zombie manicures are the next hot thing.

2.CENSUS DATA SHOWS NEW MEXICO POPULATION IS GROWING SLOWLY Just like this year’s crop of chile.

3.CDC REPORTEDLY SAYS VACCINATED AMERICANS CAN GO WITHOUT MASKS UNLESS IN LARGE GROUPS Yeah, we’ll probably just keep going with the masks until...forever.

4.SANTA FE COUNTY KEEPS TURQUOISE STATUS UNDER HEALTH ORDERS Also, churches are unrestricted now but masking for mass is still the best way to accessorize.

5.TURNS OUT OUR WATER SUPPLY IS HOLDING STEADY, TOO You still shouldn’t water your sidewalk.

6.BIG WILDFIRE IN LINCOLN NATIONAL FOREST IS THE FIRST OF THE SEASON It’s drier than a _______ (write your own punchline.)

7. RICK SANTORUM SAYS “THERE ISN’T MUCH NATIVE AMERICAN CULTURE IN AMERICAN CULTURE” ON CNN Counterpoint: Fuck you, Rick.