The Fork: We’re Back, Baby!

Well, well. Wellity, wellity, wellity. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well. It’s us, The Fork. We’re back. We’ve learned a lot (especially who among you thinks we’re an idiot) and it’s time to talk about how you food fans and Fork Frenz react to change. Not well. Not well at all. During our brief hiatus we saw emails outlining exactly what you don’t like about change, different utensils, new feelings and fresh ideas! Y’all HATED The Spork, begrudgingly accepted The Knoife and, irksomely, got a little too real with your feelings for Le Forkette. But that’s cool, man, that’s cool. You needn’t worry, though, because we’re back now, alive and (mostly) well. And mainly, honestly, we learned a little something about us—that it’s OK to take a break from the same old now and again. As for those of you who wrote repeatedly questioning whether we were OK or where we were or whether we still thought about you, you’re all now our new favorites. As you were, old chums. Carry on.

As for this week’s edition of The Fork, well, let’s talk about, oh, we don’t know...ummmm...summer foods. We mention this for two reasons: First off, we finally scored a bag of delicious organic cherries and, secondly, because it’s starting to get warm out and nobody’s looking to feel all bloaty and like they’ve overeaten.

Which is kinda why we bring up cherries. They’re obviously so good and you can obviously eat a whole messload of them before you feel like you’ve gone too far. They’re wild, too, from many standpoints...like, linguistically (their very name in English is reportedly due to a misunderstanding of French wherein the word “cherise” sounded like “cherries” to some goob, so that’s just kind of what he went with). We’ve said the word “cherries” so much over here that it’s lost all meaning anyway. And, yeah, we could get going on some “George Washington ain’t cut down shit,” line of rhetoric, but instead this leads our stream of consciousness to how good those Waterloo cherry-limeaid fizzy drinks are. Which then makes us think about where to get a good cocktail (note that this year’s edition of SFR’s Summer Guide has some good recipes for that) and, finally, porches and patios where we might sit.

On that last note, we’re seeing so many Santa Fe restaurants opening up their outdoor seating. Jambo Bobcat Bite, for example, has a glorious back patio, and Harry’s Roadhouse is a delight. Do we long for late nights at the Atomic Grill? Big time. Will we somehow be OK with a pretty cocktail at the Coyote Café Rooftop Cantina? Also big time. And what of non-alcoholic bevvies? Well, the SFR Summer Guide we were jibber-jabbing about has a pretty cool story about a young woman who is rocking the boba tea world, and though we don’t usually like to chew our bevvies, we might make an exception here. #Bevvies.

This year, we’re doubling down on watermelons, both from the standpoint of its hot out sometimes but also they usually taste really amazing (our advice is to look for the yellow field spot and check the heft; the heftier the melon, the sweeter the...melon). We want some of those yellow watermelons, too.

We’re also thinking it might be time to get back in the fried chicken game, mainly because we had fried chicken on two occasions—once at Violet Crown Cinema of all places and once at Boxcar—and we were super into it. Please note that Violet Crown’s fried chicken is on the menu as “tenders,” but is so much more and full of rich flavor almost akin to the breading they use for fish and chips in Britannia. The Boxcar version comes with waffles, which is just so damn dope it’s nuts.

Lastly, despite a reader emailing Le Forkette to say they were unsubscribing because she used too many words, we’re doubling down on salads this summer with a little knowledge from Woody Harrelson, whom we once heard said that if you plan to double down on salads this summer, you’d better up your dressing game. As such, we’re in the market to hear about the types of dressings you like. Hopefully there are some in there we can make. For the time being, however, let us just welcome ourselves back with a hearty laugh toward those who thought they were free of our tomfoolery. Our reign shall continue unabated.

Reader Thoughts on Le Forkette

While we thank our life partner for pinch-hitting, we’re gonna tell you what we told her when we returned to the Fork beat: Get real, bruschetta breath!

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“Quel dommage! Moi, j’adore le Knoife et le Spork. Le Fork, pas beaucoup. (Vraiment, pas de tout). Mai, c’,est la vie. Rant ous!!”

We don’t speak French, Jeanne C. Sorry.

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“Please unsubscribe. Entirely too many words.”

We think there’s a button you have to press, Adele S., but we’re not really up to speed with internet admin stuff...we mainly eat yogurt pretzels and whine.

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“Bist du ein Forkette or bist du das Gericht, mein Freund?”

We don’t speak German, Albo F. Sorry.

Also

-The folks we know in Albuquerque are reeling over Rebel Donut (which is a donut shop) announcing it will close permanently following service on June 15. The shop has been open for 11 years and, as of this writing, will reportedly up production to meet increased demand from ABQ-ers who are sad about the impending closure.

-In more upbeat local restaurant news, our stupid boss spoke with Boxcar co-founder/co-owner Tate Mruz about the state of the sportsbar/musicbar/foodzone’s upcoming move to the space formerly known as Blue Corn Brewery adjacent to the Plaza. Mruz reportedly had much to say about the layout of the new space, from rooms dedicated to different kinds of experiences (think of it like they’re not gonna blast college football in the same room where a local band is singing their hearts out). Mruz says they’ve knocked down walls and designed a sort of half-wheel type layout with different spaces rotating outward like spokes and a big ol’ bar acting as the main hub. He also says the new space should be in a soft open phase by the end of the month with things popping come July.

-If you didn’t catch the SFR writeup about Alkeme at Open Kitchen from chefs Hue-Chan Karels and Erica Tai, you should read that, then get psyched to learn they totally got approved for a liquor license and are now accepting reservations. For those not in the know, Karels and Tai are all about a culture-to-table movement when it comes to cuisines from around Asia. In other words, they’re inspired by food from a lot of countries and are making killer meals about it. Click through to the Alkeme Facebook page to learn more.

-People keep writing to ask us about Matt, the mysterious and so-called Peach Man who arrives in Santa Fe yearly with the best damn peaches you’ll ever eat (apparently). As of this moment, we can tell you Matt plans to be in town June 15-20, specifically in the parking lot of American Home Furnishing at 901 St. Michael’s Drive. We have no other info. Please don’t yell at us.

-Word is that the parking situation at Paxton’s Taproom, being a downtown bar right beside Il Vicino at109 N Guadalupe St., is an absolute nightmare. According to our spies (by which we mean a local person we know), one MUST have a smartphone to make it work and even then it’s a whole thing. We say this sincerely, but that seems like a nightmare for older folk, luddites, our dad, our brother and pretty much anyone who maybe doesn’t want to deal with the nightmare rectangles from which we text. Even still, there are something like 30 beers on draft over there, so that’s pretty cool.

-Lastly in local news this week, we’ve been hearing nothing but good stuff about Sweet Rice, a new Thai food truck that seems to hang around in front of O’Reily Auto Parts at 2109 Cerrillos Road. We couldn’t find any info online other than it seems like maybe Sweet Rice might be a franchise thing (or there’s a biz with the same name and an alarmingly similar color scheme in Nebraska, but then, maybe that’s where these new goobs are from?). We also found a phone number ((505) 818-9814) but we’re just, like, really busy right now, so you should call and let us know how it goes. In summation, there’s a new Thai truck and we can’t help but feel many people just thought, “God, finally!” to themselves about it.

We’d mop the floor with every last one of these chumps.

SHOUT-OUT FROM A READER!

Seriously, though, we split for two seconds and y’all stop shouting out restaurants?!

More Tidbits

-Consider it a PSA from us to you when we say the second season of chef/restaurant-centric television show The Bear is starting June 22. If you missed our stirring call to arms over the first show, read it here, then get onboard with its radditude. Of course, knowing there’s a writer’s strike going takes some of the wind out of our sails, but shows that were already basically done when the WGA started picketing are fair game as far as we know.

-Non-Santa Fe restaurants in Albuquerque and Mora will receive grants from American Express and the National Trust Awards. Mr. Powdrell’s Barbeque House in ABQ and Hatcha in Mora each take home $40,000. Nice!

-A bunch of non-New Mexico chefs and restaurants won James Beard Awards at the recent James Beard Awards from the James Beard Foundation. There’s a full list of Beardos here.

-Good God, McDonald’s will reportedly release a Grimace shake and it’s gonna be purple. Weirdly, we know that Grimace (being that weird purple beast from McDonaldland) is supposed to be a taste bud for some reason. And though we’re very much here for the wildly underrated 1992 M.C. Kids video game for the Nintendo Entertainment System (which is NOT McKids for some reason; perhaps a tragic misunderstanding of hip-hop culture), we have to wonder how they make it purple—and we assume it’s not through natural methods.

A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence

This week in the print edition of SFR, a twosome of restaurant reviews featuring El Comal and Harry’s Roadhouse.

Number of Letters Received

24

*Some of you missed us.

Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader)

“Come back, Fork!”

*Deal

Actually Helpful Tip(s)

“This is stupid.”

*Is that something you said to yourself while looking in a mirror?

Sorry we reappeared, people who hate our guts,

The Fork

P.S.