The Fork

We'd actually already written The Fork this week when SFR digital manager Brianna Kirkland just haaaaaaaaaaad to be like, "What about Memorial Day grilling, The Fork?!" Look, we get it—even though The Fork doesn't eat meat and also never really had that "Aren't we all fun and kicky summer friends?" reaction to cookouts. But we're here for you, and y'all are probably getting phone trees together and worrying about how many cases of beer you have and getting set to do that dude thing where you all hover around the grill passive-aggressively demeaning the host because you'd probably grill better.

But we digress….

Here’s some stuff about grilling:

-If you're new to the grill game, here's a checklist of six things you need to know before you start. The Fork's list is like, "Put food on a grill, the end." But apparently there's a lot to think about.

-Allrecipes.com has all the recipes (it's a good name) for upping your Mem-Day grill-a-thon game. Just click here and act like the ideas were yours all along.

-The grill itself if your next best bet (unless you already have a great one), and the folks at epicurious.com have assembled a list of some of the best sales for all levels of grill czar.

-Have an annoying vegetarian like The Fork coming over? goodhousekeeping.com put out some great suggestions for these nerds just last year. And remember—if you're not a vegetarian, don't eat all the meat-free stuff like some kind of jabroni.

-Since Brianna is of Hawaiian descent (and since this entire section exists because of her whining), we found a pretty stellar recipe for grilled chicken with pineapple and chipotle from The Country Cook.

-And finally, if you're as poor as The Fork, website 5dollardinners.com has some budget ideas for the grill that won't make you look cheap, though we never got why people are afraid of looking poor in front of their friends—they know you're poor, Becky.

Be Nice!

One of The Fork's favorite elements from SFR's annual Restaurant Guide is called Guilt Tip and is chock-full of horror stories from local service people. You'd actually be surprised to hear about the things people do when they're out to eat or drink, and the most recent version focuses on bartenders. But, since we love you, we reached out to some friends in the industry for a couple new stories, which we'd like to share here. The names and locations will be kept out of it so as to make sure nobody gets in trouble with their jobs, and remember—waiters and bartenders and their ilk are just hard working people like you, and they don't deserve to be treated like crap. Also, tip well. We know it's not a great system, but food service folk are some of the best folk around.

Yikes
"We have a number of sandwiches on our menu, but people like putting their own versions together, which sometimes gets a little complicated. Usually I don't mind, but a recent customer found one small pickle slice in a sandwich that he didn't want and, after yelling at me, threw the sandwich at me."
The Moral: Don't throw sandwiches at people.

Gimme a Break
"Even though we always make sure to tell people who ask that our chile can be extremely spicy, it seems like their pride gets wrapped up in ability to eat spicy food. Last year, I had a woman who said she'd be fine, even ate everything on her plate, but when I brought the check she complained of it being too spicy. While I was explaining that I felt for her (I didn't really) and probably could have helped before she ate everything, she vomited on herself."
The Moral: Don't be a hero with spicy food unless you're sure of your threshold.

Just Don't
"We get celebrities who come in from time to time, and one who was pretty big in the '70s came in one afternoon between lunch and dinner before we had reopened the kitchen. I explained it would be another hour and I was happy to take a name, but she interrupted me to say she was very close friends with the owner. 'I don't think she'd be too happy to know what you're doing to me!' she shouted. Our owner is a man, always has been."
The Moral: Don't lie.

Pay Your Dues, Pay Your Bills
"The place I work does a lot of takeout orders and the people who call in are usually pretty impatient. We used to have this guy who called in a lot, so we all definitely knew his face and didn't like how he talked to most of the staff—the younger women especially. The last time he ever came in, it was well before the time window I'd given him on the phone, so he spent a good 20 minutes hanging around the host desk, getting in people's way and complaining loudly. When I brought out a to-go order—that wasn't even his—he snatched it and tried to run without paying, which was stupid since we knew him. The funny part was that he bumped into the door and tripped, dropping the food everywhere and twisting his ankle in the process. He hasn't come back."
The Moral: What the hell, bro?

Just the Tip
"My dad told me that when he was a teenager his friends would sometimes leave a tip of a couple nickels or less in the bottom of a drink glass, but when someone did it to me for real I almost lost it. The stupid thing was, they came back later that week, and since my restaurant treats their employees well, I was able to get him banned. The look on his face was like he was about to cry, but what was I supposed to do? Obviously he was a teenager."
The Moral: That's not a thing you should do, no matter your age.

How about you, Forkefeans? Are you nice to waiters? We here at The Fork think you can tell so much about someone by how they treat service workers. Also, if you're a waiter, hit us up with your best horror stories from your time in the trenches.

Also 

-Are you just getting so psyched on the upcoming Cocktails and Culture Festival? You should be, because from Friday June 1-Sunday June 3, the drinks and food flow with panels, special events, cocktail-offs, tacos (yeah, tacos!) and more. Get your tickets here (there are a bunch of different tiers).

-Speaking of festivals built around things everyone loves, it's certainly worth the trip to Albuquerque for the Viva Pizza Fest. With over 16 New Mexico pizza joints taking part, this might be the best thing to happen to pizza fans since someone realized you could put cheese inside the damn crust. Get tickets here.

Talk of the upcoming pizza fest reminded us of this video of former SNL cast member flipping out while filming a Pizza Hut commercial.

-In SFR this week (and dancing in our brains) is the Blended Burger Project from the James Beard Foundation. Just when you thought mushrooms couldn't get any cooler, they can—in burger form! You can learn even more about the noble mushroom here.

-We're hearing nothing but good things about the informal cooking demos at the Farmers Market. We like the informal part, no question. If you wanna pick up some tips and tricks, they'll have more demonstrations at the Railyard version on Tuesdays (9:30-11:30 am up until November 13) and Wednesdays (3:30-5:30 pm every other week starting July 11 and running to September 19) and the Southside one on Tuesdays (3:30-5:30 pm through September 18).

-The New York Deli downtown has opened again and, according to Fork Friend Bill, seems to be even more awesome than ever. That's pretty intense and, like we told Bill, we're pumped because those jabronis know how to cook an egg.

More Tidbits

-Did you happen to catch that commercial where Justin Timberlake "invented" Braspberries (raspberries stuffed with blueberries)? Well, Driscoll's is making them a reality. Food & Wine has the details.

-In other blueberry not-so-news, it's weird, but frozen blueberries might be better for you than fresh ones. Don't believe us? Read this.

-PSA: It's cherry season again, and Whole Foods has some damn good ones. Sure, they're expensive, but my goodness, are they delicious. The Fork is allergic to certain stone fruit (we miss you, nectarines), so we're really pumped to still have cherry access. Anyway, this piece from thekitchn.com may be a few years old, but it's still handy.

-If you can't get enough cooking video content like SFR digital manager Brianna Kirkland, she recommends the YouTube channel Binging with Babish. He recreates iconic food items from your favorite movies and TV shows. Recently Bon Apétit had Babish review the internet's most popular food videos.

-PSA 2: They're filming the new season of Top Chef in Kentucky. The season won't air until later this year, but if you follow host, Padma Lakshmi on Twitter you'll get some sneak peeks on all the fun.

-In sad food news, it turns out celeb chef Mario Batali may be an even bigger scumbag than his apology-with-a-side-of-sugar-rolls from earlier this year had led us to believe. Turns out homeboy's now under criminal investigation. Not good.

-PSA 3: It's not "news" per se, but having demolished an Orange Julius purchased at a Dairy Queen the other day reminded us that DQ bought the brand, but also that them OJs are soooooo good it's madness. When The Fork was just a lad, we attempted to reverse engineer a Julius with our father, but we could never quite get the flavor right. It's just as well, though, because those things somehow cause ice cream headaches (the real way to say "brain freeze") more regularly than most cold treats. Is it worth the risk, though? No question.

Finally