The Eyedropper spent the past week in her hometown on eastern Long Island. While images of blowouts a la Jersey Shore and mid-size non-hybrid SUVs parading themselves in "fuel efficient vehicle" parking spots would have been as easy as stealing candy from babies in barrels (better than shooting, eh?), we decided to go with some slightly more complicated rules by which to live–or not, depending on your optimism surrounding the word "no."