Wig in a Box

Halloween is a mere two days away, and if you're anything like a lot of people who love the big day, many of you have surely had your costumes planned for some time (if all goes well, you'll see me and my girlfriend Sarah wandering town as Mulder and Scully). Still, if there's one thing I know about Halloween, outside of it's a great way to ruin your teeth and spend the following day wrestling with a hangover that would slay a walrus, it's that even procrastinators like dressing up in costumes at any chance they get. But seriously, what is one to do at the last minute? Just hold onto your weirdly popular, plain black/orange wrapped, mostly disgusting peanut butter candies and relax, Santa Fe, then throw together these easy music-themed costumes!

John Lennon

What you'll need: round glasses, Army jacket, band T-shirt, wig if necessary, the lyrical chops to define a generation.

Whether you own 1972's Live in New York City or you've seen Forrest Gump, the iconic imagery of late-career Lennon in the Army jacket is a sure-fire way to be easily recognized and comes with the added benefit of being warm during the cold Feast of the Dead night. Work on your Liverpool accent—think, "Halp oos"—for the added authenticity, or just get way into drugs and do the best work of your career. Either way, be prepared for, "What are you, Harry Potter?" questions from jerks and idiots.

Danzig

What you'll need: leather pants, inflated sense of self-importance.

Danzig seems an appropriate choice for Halloween given the imagery found in the songs of bands like Samhain and Misfits. Hell, you'll practically be living his solo song "Mother" if you're wandering around shirtless in leather pants. Of course, if you're going for early Danzig you'll have to figure out how to make your hair do that demon-lock thing, and early Danzig isn't even as funny as the cat-food-buying, knocked-out-in-one-punch vocalist we know and love today.

Lady Gaga

What you'll need: whatever weird-ass shit you have laying around, no talent.

Just get the weirdest-ass wig and clothes you can find, and no one will question that you are who you say you are.

Juggalo

What you'll need: black and white makeup, oversized jeans and T-shirt, the inability to discern what's good or not.

Your knee-jerk reaction might be to say thanks, but no thanks to this idea, but if the ultimate Halloween goal is to scare people, I defy you to think of something scarier than people who legitimately enjoy this "music" act. For added authenticity, think up a dumb rap name like Oral B or MC 3P0.

Slash

What you'll need: curly wig, sunglasses, top hat, jeans, leather jacket, a bottle in your hands at all times, the ability to ooze rock and/or roll.

You'll feel as awesome as a dude who just drove your angry significant other off a cliff and then walked up to the edge of said cliff and totally slayed a bitchin' guitar solo when you don this outfit. It also comes with the added benefit of being able to tell other partygoers that you'd love to share your booze, but it's part of your costume.

Bonus Couples Costume!!

Hedwig and Yitzhak

What you'll need for him: any alluring outfit from Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

What you'll need for her: leather jacket, fake beard, bandana, zero shame

Yes, you too can relive killer songs like "Wig in a Box" and "The Origin of Love" as you step out on the town as these iconic, gender-bending characters from the musical sleeper hit. What's even more fun is that when you decide to embody Hedwig, you're given a veritable cornucopia of costume options. So break out the glitter and go to [wicked little] town!

Oh, and here's a thought—plug alert—why not wear your awesome costumes to SFR's Día de los Muertos party at Skylight on Nov. 1? Love Gun will be there and dipping into Hedwig tunes anyway, and the concept of dressing up for Halloween itself is pretty passé if you ask me.

SFR's Día de los Muertos Bash
7:30 pm Saturday, Nov. 1. $10-$12
Skylight Santa Fe
139 W San Francisco St.,
982-0775

Santa Fe Reporter