1. GOV. MLG CALLS NRC DECISION TO STORE SPENT NUCLEAR MATERIALS IN NEW MEXICO “INCREDIBLY DISAPPOINTING”
Maybe so, but if we’re ever gonna build that army of Hulks, this is a step in the right direction.
2. JJ ABRAMS REPORTEDLY SHOOTING SOMETHING OR OTHER IN NEW MEXICO
We can’t wait to feel mildly disappointed by whatever it might be.
3. CONSERVATIVE BLOGGER AND STATE REP JOHN BLOCK REPORTS “CARTEL SNUGGLERS ARE RAVAGING THE BORDER”
At first we read that as “raving,” which combines well with snuggling.
4. US NEWS NAMES SANTA FE NO. 15 FOR “BEST CHEAP VACATIONS IN THE US”
No word on where we place on the list of cities that become more unaffordable for its own residents every day.
5. CITY OF SANTA FE BUYS NEW FOAMSTREAM WEED MACHINE
Can’t they just smoke out of a Coke can like back in the day?
6. THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: TEARS OF THE KINGDOM RELEASE SPURS EN-MASSE FAUX SICK DAYS FOR NERDS ACROSS THE GLOBE
Hyrule ain’t gonna save itself, shit.
7. MARK ZUCKERBERG WINS GOLD AND SILVER MEDALS IN SILICON VALLEY JIU JITSU TOURNEY
Zuck to celebrate by commodifying your very existence until you no longer know what’s real or not.