Pastry Unpuffed

Donut Man Micah Ortega is here to pump you up

A lot has happened in one-man “mobile marketing” machine Micah Ortega since SFR first spoke to him last year [cover story, Sept. 26: “

”]. His business has flourished and, though considered medically impossible, his enthusiasm has swollen and his screams of “Woo-hoo!” have amplified.

Since upgrading one of his more popular character, “Supa Fly Donut Guy,” Ortega has also been working on his fitness—influenced, he says, by Richard Simmons, Rocky and Jack Black—and managed to drop a reported 20 lbs. “Girls are turning their head now!” he boasts. Herein, his routine of “donut directly-inspired” exercises.*

Marble Grenade Shoulder Swirls
“It’s made with swirls of chocolate and vanilla—which is what I feel when I swirl my shoulders…woo-hoo!”

Bacon Maple Chile Bar Dead-Lifts
“The bacon is the protein. This is a full-body workout right here: you get your legs, chest, shoulders, and the chile gives you the fire to finish.”

Cherry Coconut Bicep Curls
“It tightens-up your biceps and makes them round like cannonballs. The ladies like round biceps. I think. I’m not sure.”

Boston Créme Triceps Screams
“You do these ‘till you scream. That’s all I can say.”

Why-Not Squats

"I want my goal, and in order to get it I have to squat. It's like you're reaching for something you desire."

* As always, please consult with your physician (or in this case your baker) before initiating any fitness regime.
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