I Am That I Am, Period

If it's true that love is the greatest force, and through it we become whole in relationship to both ourselves and others, then it seems there's not much difference in the spiritual nature of those who identify under the queer umbrella or not.

When I finished high school, I learned about African and Indigenous spiritual systems, particularly those relating to my own heritage. Prior to that, the Black Baptist church experience was my experience, and I was eager to darken the doorway every single time it opened. First sang in the choir at age 4. Baptized at 13. Youth group president at 16. Belting out the Lord's praises all over the Music City, my hometown; Nashville, Tennessee. And now, call me Reverend O.

But my road to reverence was built on sinking sand; realizing that none of the lingering post-puberty questions I had about my tomboyishness, or why I sometimes found myself attracted to both boys and girls, were to ever be addressed in the house of the Lord. A month of Sundays of stuffing feelings and questions in search of my "true" identity eventually led to me walking away from the church, then returning later in life and becoming a missionary and minister, and, eventually—and gayly—skipping away to continue my own unique journey. According to black lesbian mother, warrior and poet Audre Lorde, "Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge."

The term "queer" is a social and reclaimed term. For many who identify as queer and living in their existing innate spiritual nature as it relates to gender and sexual identity, queer can present many challenges in relation to the popular world religions. Judaism, Christianity and Islam all shun those who choose to honor their ways of gender non-conformity, gender variances, gender fluidity and transgenderness and, most specifically, those open in sexual expression through same-sex and/or romantic partnerships.

"I just feel that at our core, human beings are loving beings, made from The Great Spirit—an Indigenous name for what Western theologists label God," affirms male-identified, two-spirit ceremonial leader and Santa Fean Wolf Martinez. "We are part of creation, and all things in creation are made from Great Spirit. Great Spirit is love, and that's what we came here to do; everything else is an illusion."

The question of whether we are spiritual beings having a human experience or humans having a spiritual experience remains in strong debate across the various sacred circles. Actually, whether you are participating actively in this debate or not, it's an intersection where we all connect with ourselves and our bodies by default, with every single breath we take.

Through religion, one of the man-made aspects of spirituality, our scope of what it means to be spiritual is limited in order to fit ideologies of traditional societal outlets like churches, tabernacles, temples, mosques and synagogues. It's this narrow lens that doesn't account for relationship with nature, art or community to be taken seriously as spiritual paths, and to continually be discounted. Not long ago in pre-colonial times, relationship to self, others and nature was at the root of all human spiritual practice.

"We haven't always categorized human sexuality, or put it in a box. This is all something that has derived from the patriarchal dominant society," Martinez explains. "Homosexual and heterosexual were terms invented, whereas Indigenous peoples have always seen that there are many different genders—two-spirit, third- and fourth-gender—and that sexuality between the genders is very fluid. "

Crisosto Apache, LGBTQ two-spirit of the Mescalero Apache, found a gateway to his own personal spirituality initially as a young child in the Catholic Church. Though once fully participating with the religion, he found no home for his authentic male and female combined identity. Often left feeling shamed and guilty by the church, something deep inside of him knew spirituality as a move toward better understanding and balance of self, regardless of what was being taught. Eventually he followed a path leading him back to his own Native American culture. Apache also discovered that he found wisdom and comfort in a different type of spiritual text: poetry.

"I always find something in it that redirects me in the path I need to go," Apache says. "Like the Bible does for some people, for me, it's like that with poetry, and one I simply don't take for granted. These writings from the sense of heart and spirit, I see them as spiritual tools."

Increasingly, there's a shifting movement happening toward no labels and no boxes, as it pertains to identity in general. Yet, we do live in a society that prefers things to be defined—packaged in a neat, easily digestible manner. Martinez feels that "regardless of how any one identifies, if somebody needs to identify, that's up to each individual. If you choose labels and boxes, then you know that's your will, that's your choice. But regardless of how anyone chooses to identify, you cannot separate the spirit from the body—otherwise, it's death."

Apache agrees, and adds that because of the way society and religion attempt to fragment individuals, we are mostly "spiritually malnourished from the beginning, and grow up deficient in all areas that promote balance, which impedes the growth of the spirit.

"We spend time consumed with consumerism instead of being concerned about our relationship and connection to the natural world," he says.

As he's saying this, it resonates profoundly how relationship and love matter more than anything.

In the spirit, we are all one. Focusing on things other than one's gender or sexual orientation would create the spiritual shift we all seek in order to feel more of the peace we deserve on this planet,
lovingly and without judgment.

In the spirit, we are all one. Focusing on things other than one's gender or sexual orientation would create the spiritual shift we all seek in order to feel more of the peace we deserve on this planet, lovingly and without judgment.

Reverend Oriana Lee is a solid human being living in Santa Fe and founder of LIT Sanctuary, a community gratitude pop-up devoted to exercising love and creativity. Lee is also the director of Wise Fool New Mexico's upcoming 16th annual BUST! event. To learn more about her, visit litsanctuary.com