The Best Eavesdroppers of 2022

Jan. 5

“What are all these old retired-type folks doing in here on a weekend? They are only supposed to shop on Tuesday or Wednesday.”—Overheard at Trader Joe’s

Jan. 19

“I don’t know whether or not it’s a cultural difference thing, but I think he thought that he was giving me a compliment by telling me that I’m somewhat fuckable.”—Overheard leaving Winter Market at El Museo

Feb. 2

“I want to dress up fancy so I can go to the Capitol and celebrate debate and democracy.”—Overheard at Cake’s Corner Cafe from a man in a three-piece suit

March 9

Woman 1: “It’s so kinetic today.”

Woman 2: “What do you mean?”

Woman 1: “I mean, the air is so kinetic…I hate spring.”—Overheard at Whole Foods

March 30

“I like your strut. I like your swagger.”—Overheard from man, sitting on West San Francisco Street holding sign reading “This sucks,” to woman walking by

April 6

“I kind of have a lot of pot already, but I guess you can never have too much.”—Overheard at the Violet Crown

April 13

Shopper to jewelry maker after most vendors had left: “Putting in a long day, eh?”

Jeweler to shopper, thoughtfully: “All days are the same length.”—Overheard at the Palace of the Governors Portal

May 18

“She was acting all crazy even before the speedball.”—Overheard from woman walking on the Santa Fe River Trail

May 25

“They obviously don’t teach penmanship at St. John’s. This graffiti is illegible!”—Overheard from woman walking in an Eastside arroyo

June 22

“What do you mean you don’t carry Rhododendrons?!”—Overheard at Agua Fria Nursery

July 13

“I was told you’re not allowed to complain about the rain here.”—Overheard from tourist or new resident to companion at a Railyard concert

July 20

“That’s what too much yoga will do to a person”—Overheard in the downtown Starbucks after witnessing a Karen incident

Aug. 10

“We were like, ‘It’s a hacker! The whole world’s going down, bro.’ But it was just a dumb truck or whatever.”—Overheard from a Southside clerk discussing the July 20 internet outage

Aug. 24

“I don’t, like, shop with money? More, like, with my soul?”—Overheard from woman in response to companion who asked if she was going to Indian Market

Sept. 7

“I think the hardest thing about finding people to battle is everyone always has excuses like, ‘I’m busy’ or, ‘I don’t want to do this.’”—Overheard at The Teahouse

Sept. 14

“...and those are the Sangría de Cristo Mountains.”—Overheard in Market Street parking lot on Labor Day from one Texas visitor to another

Oct. 12

Announcer: “The tall green and black balloon is the handle of a screwdriver. When it rises, you’ll see the blade inflate.” Passerby: “Definitely a giant dildo.”—Overheard at Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta

Oct. 19

“Ugh, why didn’t I wear my Fitbit.”—Overheard from well-dressed fairy in full regalia at the Santa Fe Renn Faire

Nov. 19

“What happened? Where did the thing go?”—Overheard next to the big box in the center of the Plaza

Nov. 23

Dispatcher: “Can you describe the man who urinated on your bus?”

Driver: “Yes; the front of his pants are wet.”—Overheard on Santa Fe Trails

Dec. 7

Woman 1: “Did you serve in Vietnam?”Woman 2: “Vietnam? No, I served in Agua Fría!”—Overheard at Market Street between two veterans

“I have COVID…I’m not thinking worse than I usually don’t.”—Overheard from District Court Judge Mary Marlowe Sommer, who appeared to conduct a video hearing from bed

Send your Overheard in Santa Fe tidbits to: eavesdropper@sfreporter.com