January 1

"Don't meditate—medicate! It's quicker."
—Overheard in Santa Fe Spa locker room

January 9

"This week, I've been packing my bong with snow."
—Overheard at a downtown bar

"Life is what happens when God makes other plans."
—Overheard at Tribes Coffeehouse

January 30

Woman: "Wait, who was Prince Albert?"
Man: "He was, like, this prince from the Renaissance era …"
Woman: "That did a lot of weird, kinky shit?"
—Overheard at the Staab House Lounge

February 6

"Are you going to watch the Super Bowl?"
"Hell no. I'm going to see a Shakespeare play."
—Overheard at the Souper Bowl (and see a review of that selfsame play here)

"Are those real arrowheads, or are they man-made?"
—Overheard at Double Take

Feb. 27

"No, I don't want to grow chiles! What part of 'I don't want to grow chiles' don't you understand?"
—Overheard at Agua Fría Nursery

March 13

"I don't get why vegans can't eat eggs. I mean, eggs are meat that hasn't happened yet."
—Overheard at Railyard Flats

March 20

Tourist Man: "This place is like the Spanish New Orleans."
Tourist Woman: "It really is just like that."
—Overheard at 10:30 pm on San Francisco Street

March 27

"Sorry I'm late; my mom got stabbed in the neck this morning."
—Overheard at an optometrist's office

April 3

"I don't know why anybody would go to Chipotle when they have a perfectly good burrito at Allsup's."
—Overheard at an office downtown

April 17

"He was just your average frat boy, you know—I kind of wrote him off when we were in school, and I can't say many of us thought he'd make much of himself, and now he's our president!"
—Overheard at Tesuque Village Market

May 8

Wife: "Tom Petty's dead, right?"
Husband: "Was that a racecar driver or something?"
—Overheard at Dinner for Two

June 5

"Without women, it's just testosterone and bullshit."
—Overheard at La Choza

 June 12

"I don't have a job. I'M GOING TO VEGAS, BITCHES!"
—Woman out her car window, to no one in particular, driving very slowly at 6 am on Cerrillos Road

June 26

Salad bar employee: "Sir, you can get one more vegetable."
Customer: "OK, let me have some bacon."
—Overheard at Kaune's

July 10

"If you keep interrupting me, we are going to have to get married."
—Overheard at Starbucks

July 17

"I've been shaking it off this whole trip, Mom!"
Overheard on Grant Avenue

 July 24

"Apricots, bro! Apricots!"
—Extremely excited teenage boy at the farmers market

Aug. 8

"Did you have any idea this market was so religious?"
—Overheard at Spanish Market

Aug. 14

"That table wanted butter. They said no dairy but they meant yes butter." —Overheard from a food runner at Izanami

"I mean, they aren't 'official' cowgirl boots. I got them at Aldo." —Overheard on San Francisco Street

Aug. 21

"I'll take an Adderall spritz!"
—Overheard at Low 'n Slow

Aug. 27

"I sell comic books for people to read, not cut up into art projects."
—Overheard at comic bookstore

Sept. 4

"Do you have an interest in videography?
"I have a number of skits I'd like to produce. They are based on yard sales."
—Overheard around the campfire

Sept. 11

"Do you want to stop and get our blood pressure checked before we buy these bags of tater tots?"
—Overheard at Market Street

Oct. 2

"I really don't feel like having my aura palpated right now."
—Overheard at Iconik

"I'd love to go up in a hot air balloon. It's on my basket list."
—Overheard at Jackalope

Oct. 9

Man to bus driver: "How do you feel about the upcoming End of Days?"
Bus driver: "Eh, so-so."
—Overheard on the bus

Oct. 16

"Wow, I didn't know you could just walk in …"
"I know, right?"
—Overheard from two young students entering the Roundhouse

Oct. 23

"I don't like the cold because it means I have to wear shoes now."
—Overheard at a downtown office

Oct. 10

Person A"Oh my God Angel, it's a bidet! I've never tried one."
Person B"You should try it, it's fun."
Person A"It's not gonna do anything without my permission, right?"
—Overheard in the women's locker room at Ten Thousand Waves

Nov. 13

"Did you pick up any arrowheads or pottery sherds?"
"No, I already got more than enough bad karma."
—Overheard at Pecos National Historic Park

Dec. 4

"I named my dog Spirit … now every time I go home, I get to say, 'Thank you, Spirit.'"
—Overheard at Verde Juice