1. SALVADOR PEREZ POOL TO REOPEN

Because we all really missed that way-too-comfortable old guy hanging around the locker room nude.

2. SANTA FE HAD RARE TORNADO WARNING

And you were there...and you were there...and you...!

3. STATE DEPARTMENT OF CULTURAL AFFAIRS DENIES SANTA FE BUSINESSMAN’S LAST-DITCH EFFORTS AT SAVING THE GUADALUPE STREET “MULTI-CULTURAL” MURAL

Maybe if he’d had a few million bucks?

4. AMERICANS HOARDING GAS IN PLASTIC BAGS

Don’t hoard gas in plastic bags.

5. NEW MEXICO REPUBLICAN CONVENTION BEGAN IN TEXAS

Writing a joke here would be like putting a hat on a hat.

6. SANTA FE YOUTH, AGRICULTURAL AND ACTIVIST GROUPS UNITE FOR FULL CIRCLE FARM

Yes, ummm, so when will the chile be available for purchase?

7. POLICE HUNT FOR PORCH PACKAGE THIEVES

Truly, they’re the Bonnie and Clyde of our time.