1. THE SUPER BOWL HAPPENED
    Trashing on people who trash on the people who like sports via social media is the new trashing on people who don’t like sports. Or who do. You follow?
  2. BURLINGTON (FORMERLY BURLINGTON COAT FACTORY) TO OPEN OUTLET IN PORTION OF THE OLD HOBBY LOBBY
    Cool…coats.
  3. JUDGE SAYS CHICAGO RIVERFRONT TRUMP HOTEL HARMING FISH
    Can someone rule that he’s harming everybody? Thanks.
  4. TRUMP IMPEACHMENT TRIAL BEGINS
    We went from caring to not caring, back around to caring and now we’re coming perilously close to not caring again. Jay kay—toss the book at the emmer-effer.
  5. NEW MEXICANS REPORTEDLY HEADING TO TEXAS FOR COVID-19 VACCINATIONS
    It’s like you want us to give up our moral highground/jokes about how Texans are always coming into the state like jerks!
  6. PLAQUE GOES MISSING AT CROSS OF THE MARTYRS
    Ruh-roh, Scoob.
  7. RIP CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER
    You hated The Sound of Music, you wowed us in Knives Out…you were a hell of a guy.