1. 2020 OSTENSIBLY OVER
    We wouldn’t be shocked to get a press release from the universe saying the year had been extended.
  2. BIDEN SAYS IF GEORGIA GOES BLUE, HE’LL GET THOSE $2,000 CHECKS SENT YOUR WAY ASAP
    Meanwhile, we’ll obsessively check online banking for that IRS deposit.
  3. SPEAKING OF GEORGIA, LEAKED AUDIO FEATURED TRUMP HASSLING THE SoS TO “FIND VOTES”
    He wouldn’t be the guy we know and hate without a little extra fraud on the way out.
  4. WISCONSIN PHARMACIST INTENTIONALLY SPOILS COVID VACCINE
    C’mon, bro! We wanna go to the movies!
  5. NEW YORK TIMES RUNS OPINION PIECE ON REP. DEB HAALAND TITLED “AFTER FIVE CENTURIES, A NATIVE AMERICAN WITH REAL POWER”
    News flash, dude who wrote that: Native women—nay, Native people—need not only work within the patriarchal, white supremacist system to be powerful.
  6. ALSO IN THE NYT, COPY EDITOR PENS APOLOGY FOR CLAIMING SEN. TOM UDALL WORKS FOR UTAH
    Good thing we’ve never made a mistake once. Not ever.
  7. SEEMS PRETTY WARM OUT
    Not a complaint, just saying.