1. TRUMP DONE GOT VOTED OUT…
    Whhhhhhheeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww!!!!!
  2. …SO SUPPORTERS RALLIED AT THE ROUNDHOUSE SANS-MASK
    At this point, folks who won’t do masks are welcome to all get together in places where we won’t be.
  3. NEW MEXICO ELECTS ALL WOMEN OF COLOR TO THE US HOUSE
    They’ve been doing all the good work anyway, so…
  4. BIDEN TO BRING FIRST-EVER RESCUE DOG TO WHITE HOUSE
    And he’s basically the goodest boy of all time.
  5. HE ALSO THANKED THE TRANS COMMUNITY IN HIS VICTORY SPEECH
    Seems a whole lot cooler than actively trying to erase them and/or ruin their lives like Trump has been doing.
  6. PFIZER ANNOUNCES COVID-19 VACCINE IS ABOUT 90% EFFECTIVE
    Sorry, 10%. Better luck next time.
  7. HEALTH OFFICIALS ENCOURAGE SKIPPING HOLIDAY GATHERINGS
    Some people still need it spelled out. Doctors have better things to do than stitch up your hand from a turkey-carving error.