1. CENSUS DEADLINE LOOMS
    Get counted by Sept. 30 or you’ll turn into a pumpkin spiced latte.
  2. GOVERNOR SAYS YOUTH SPORTS PRACTICE CAN RESUME
    You know we can’t sleep til we know who hurled such and such ball through whatever receptacle.
  3. SFR IS MOVING IN DECEMBER
    Hey, man, can we borrow you truck?
  4. SPANISH CULTURAL HEAD AND MAYOR GET INTO REPORTED FINGER-WAGGING INCIDENT OVER MONUMENTS
    You know, like that Plaza obelisk Webber said he’d remove.
  5. PS5, XBOX PREORDER SNAFUS WHIP GAMING NERDS INTO A TIZZY
    It’s not like anyone loves ’em—just let the dorks like what they like, shit!
  6. SKI SANTA FE SAYS IT’LL OPEN THANKSGIVING DAY
    We can’t wait to see all those mask deniers and their bare faces up on the mountain.
  7. SO LONG, RBG
    And thanks for all the fish.