1. NPR TWEETS DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE IN LONG THREAD, RIGHT-WINGERS ASSUME IT’S LEFTIST PROPAGANDA
    It’s satisfying right up until it’s horrifying.
  2. APPARENTLY EVERYBODY IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD SPENT THOUSANDS ON FIREWORKS LAST WEEKEND, STOPPED SLEEPING TO SET THEM OFF INSTEAD
    And our dogs and cats were not amused.
  3. FIREFIGHTER CREW NUMBERS DWINDLE IN CALIFORNIA AS PRISONS ENTER CORONAVIRUS LOCKDOWNS…
    That’s what we call slavery, buds.
  4. …AND IN NEW MEXICO, STATE WANTS MORE SEWING MACHINES AND MORE INMATES MAKING MORE MASKS
    If 40 cents an hour isn’t slave labor, what is?
  5. NEW POLITICAL PARTY IN NEW MEXICO DUBBED “WORKING FAMILIES PARTY”
    Honestly, we’re here for it—most other countries have more than two parties and ours are not working.
  6. REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE FOR CONGRESS ALEXIS MARTINEZ JOHNSON FINED ON THE PLAZA FOR NOT WEARING A MASK
    We’re so bored with this nonsense already.
  7. TESUQUE PUEBLO OPENS FILM STUDIO IN DEFUNCT CASINO
    Clearly a much better use of everyone’s entertainment budget.