1. TIK-TOK AND K-POP FANS TAKE CREDIT FOR LOW TRUMP RALLY NUMBERS IN OKLAHOMA
    BTS means “Big Trump Sadsies” these days.
  2. CITY GRT DIP NOT AS DEEP AS ESTIMATED
    It’s still bad, it’s just not as bad.
  3. DE VARGAS STATUE MOVED TO SECRET LOCATION
    He’s got his own bunker, just like Trump and other not-to-be named villains.
  4. AMP CONCERTS’ OUTDOOR DRIVE-IN SHOW WITH LOCAL BAND DETROIT LIGHTNING WAS APPARENTLY PRETTY AWESOME
    Even if it was all Grateful Dead songs…
  5. FAUCI SAYS CORONAVIRUS VACCINE IS ABOUT “WHEN,” NOT “IF”
    Kind of like how when you don’t wear a mask, people don’t have to wonder if you’re a dick.
  6. BALLOON FIESTA CANCELED
    Remember when we all thought we’d be partying by now?
  7. THERE’S NOT A LOT OF FUNNY STUFF GOING ON RIGHT NOW
    Just sayin’.