1. GOV. LUJAN GRISHAM WEARS SANTA FE OPERA FACEMASK AT RECENT PRESS BRIEFING
    What is this, Un ballo in maschera? Ha! Opera jokes!
  2. MARTY SANCHEZ GOLF COURSE WON’T REOPEN YET DUE TO IRRIGATION ISSUES
    Don’t drop your monocle while gasping over that news—you’ll whack balls again someday.
  3. STATE SUPREME COURT TELLS GRANTS MAYOR TO GET IT TOGETHER AND OBEY VIRUS ORDERS
    Yeah, bro, get it together. You obviously don’t care about haircuts.
  4. COURT ALSO RULES THAT KEEPING PRISONERS IN PRISON DURING COVID-19 IS OK
    Backing up the unofficial theory that knowledge is not, in fact, power.
  5. SANTA FE MAN DRESSES LIKE DEADPOOL, DANCES AROUND TOWN TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD
    We know foul-mouthed and ultra-violent comic book characters cheer us up. We mean that sincerely.
  6. SANTA FE INDEPENDENT FILM FESTIVAL NAMED ONE OF MOVIEMAKER‘S FILM FESTS “WORTH THE ADMISSION”
    They should change the name of the magazine to Old News Quarterly, because we’ve been saying that for years.
  7. DEPT. OF WORKFORCE SOLUTIONS SAYS REFUSAL TO RETURN TO WORK COULD MEAN LOSS OF UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFITS
    Being on hold with this department is not considered a full time job, but it should be.