1. TRUMP WONDERS IF WE MIGHT BEAT COVID-19 BY INJECTING DISINFECTANTS
    Is there a similar brain cell injection he can try?
  2. SELF-EMPLOYED FINALLY GET ACCESS TO UNEMPLOYMENT
    And good news, friends, applying is reportedly as much of a baffling ordeal as it was for everyone else.
  3. TUMBLEROOT BREWERY & DISTILLERY DONATES HUNDREDS OF GALLONS OF SANITIZER TO THE NAVAJO NATION
    Just a little bit better than the federal government’s offer of nothing
  4. MAYOR OF GRANTS SAYS BUSINESSES SHOULD BE ABLE TO REOPEN, GOV. LUJAN GRISHAM LIKENS IT TO A POOL HAVING A “PEE SECTION”
    We’re hoping New Mexico still avoids a Route 66 showdown between State Police and that guy who looks like Gerry Garcia. 
  5. CITY EMPLOYEES TO BE FURLOUGHED DUE IN PART TO ESTIMATED $46 MILLION SHORTFALL
    While we can all agree Alan Webber is beating the dude from Grants right now, it still isn’t cool to draw six figures on the public dime while the gente are suffering.
  6. INSANE CLOWN POSSE CANCELS GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS DUE TO COVID-19 CONCERNS
    Nice to know people who once sang “Fuck the Dalai Lama” are now at the forefront of viral understanding.
  7. KIWANIS SAYS 2020 ZOZOBRA WILL BLAZE REGARDLESS OF COVID-19
    Burn him!