- SHAKE SHACK TO RETURN $10 MILLION IN FEDERAL PAYROLL PROTECTION LOANS…
You’re goddamn right they are.
- …WHILE COUNTLESS SELF-EMPLOYED AMERICANS STILL DON’T HAVE ACCESS TO UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFITS
They’re also shook by Shake Shack’s shady shit.
- GOV. SAYS SANTA FE NURSERIES CAN DO LIMITED BUSINESS AFTER ALL
We just hope Home Depot and Lowes will be OK!
- CITY COULD HIT $46 MILLION BUDGET SHORTAGE FOR THE FISCAL YEAR
We just assumed Webber’s livestreamed reading of Winnie the Pooh would have solved that…?
- TEXAS MIGHT REOPEN SOME BUSINESSES AS SOON AS THIS WEEK…
Whatever you do, Texas, just keep Willie safe!
- …GEORGIA, TOO
We could only come up with jokes about peaches here, so let’s just skip to the part about how this is a bad plan.
- LITERALLY TENS OF SANTA FEANS PROTEST QUARANTINE AT THE CAPITOL
Just how badly do people need those haircuts?
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