1. TRUMP BOASTS COVID-19 BRIEFINGS ARE A “RATINGS HIT” VIA TWITTER
    We’re tired of dancing around it—this man is a dangerous fucking idiot. Full stop.
  2. HE’S ALSO ROLLING BACK EPA LAWS WHILE WE’RE ALL STUCK AT HOME
    Uggggggggghhhhh!
  3. CITY TO MOVE HOMELESS SANTA FEANS INTO MIDTOWN CAMPUS HOUSING
    So, like, if we could have been doing this the whole time…what the hell have we been doing?
  4. MIDTOWN CAMPUS REDEVLOPER RECOMMENDATION STILL SUPER SECRET
    So many mysteries.
  5. COUNTY CLERKS ASK FOR MAIL-ONLY PRIMARY ELECTION
    Because nothing chills Democracy like a pandemic.
  6. GOV. SAYS 26 COVID-19 CASES HAVE RECOVERED
    Just a little good news for you there.
  7. ARE YOU SIX FEET AWAY FROM MOST EVERYBODY RIGHT NOW?
    You should be.