- MILITARY MEMBERS FLASH WHITE POWER “OK” SALUTE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION
Yeah, they need to be fired. Out of a cannon. Into the sun.
- NUMBER OF PETS SURRENDERED TO SANTA FE ANIMAL SHELTER SWELLS IN THE MIDST OF LOCAL HOUSING CRISIS
Sure, but have you seen the mayor’s hat?
- SANTA CLAUS VISITS PRESBYTERIAN HOSPITAL VIA HELICOPTER
“But why didn’t Santa come by reindeer-propelled sleigh, Mater and Pater?” ask wide-eyed, innocent children who shall ne’er, e’er be the same.
- HALLMARK PULLS ADS FEATURING LESBIANS AFTER PRESSURE FROM ORGANIZATION ONE MILLION MOMS; APOLOGIZES AND PUTS ADS BACK INTO ROTATION AFTER PRESSURE FROM DECENT HUMAN BEINGS
Gotta be a real drag to be a ‘phobe these days, right? Maybe y’all should just give up the ‘phobe-ing.
- NEW MEXICO GETS $3.5 MILLION TO FIGHT OPIOID EPIDEMIC
But everyone should keep right on drinking through the holidays and beyond.
- MLB TO REMOVE CANNABIS FROM ITS LIST OF BANNED SUBSTANCES
Because do we, as a country, really give a shit about our pitchers and batters and catchers and whoever else ripping the bong?
- “ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU” CHARTS AT NUMBER 1 FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER
Which means Mariah Carey will let us all live … for now.
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