1. REPORT SAYS LOS ALAMOS NATIONAL LAB LOST TRACK OF 250 BARRELS OF NUCLEAR WASTE
    It’s always in the last place you think to look.
  2. MISOGYNIST PELETON AD TANKS EXERCISE BIKE COMPANY’S STOCK
    This year, give her a new complex based in your patriarchal need to define her validity through physical appearance.
  3. DUCT TAPED BANANA PIECE AT MIAMI’S ART BASEL SELLS FOR $120,000; GETS EATEN THEN REPLACED
    Speculative art is trash.
  4. CHIPOTLE OPENS IN SANTA FE THIS WEEK
    In other towns, this probably wouldn’t even be in the newspaper.
  5. PROPOSED PLAN WOULD GIVE MUNICIPAL WORKERS A HALF DAY ON ELECTION DAY TO BOLSTER VOTING NUMBERS
    Give ’em the whole day, shit!
  6. GOLDEN GLOBES SNUB WOMEN DIRECTORS FOR THE BAZZILIONTH YEAR IN A ROW
    Their style? Wack. Their gear? Wack. The way they nominate? Wack. Women directors, though? They’re rad as fuck!
  7. DA SERNA BANNER REMOVED FROM  SANTA FE HIGH GYM
    Effectively killing any impact his good hair might have had on students’ aspirational styling goals.