1. CITY LOOKING TO VARIOUS OWNED PROPERTIES FOR POTENTIAL HOUSING SITES
    Congratulations, people of Santa Fe in 3-to-5 years from now!
  2. BORIS JOHNSON IS NEXT UK PRIME MINISTER
    Oh, there’s no question anymore that we’re in the dark timeline.
  3. SECRETARY OF STATE AND SENATE CANDIDATE MAGGIE TOULOUSE OLIVER READS FROM MUELLER REPORT DURING LIVE STREAM FROM HER KITCHEN TABLE
    This might have been weird a couple years ago, but now we’re just like, “Yup. Totally.”
  4. OVER 20,000 JOIN ‘STORM LOCH NESS’ FACEBOOK GROUP, TAKING CUE FROM SIMILARLY ABSURD ‘STORM AREA 51’ GROUP
    Storm the child detention camps on the border?
  5. SANTA FE VR COMPANY SCIVISTA WINS $1 MILLION GRANT
    This is how it starts, then the next thing you know, we’re infested with Terminators.
  6. BREAKING: SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS HAVE TOO MANY APRICOTS
    But never enough weed.
  7. AMAZON DESPOT JEFF BEZOS SAYS HE’S SPENDING BILLIONS ON SPACE TRAVEL BECAUSE WE’RE “DESTROYING EARTH”
    Isn’t this the plot to Moonraker?