1. UDALL WON’T RUN IN 2020
    Welcome to the motherfucking thunderdome, peasants!!!
  2. MUELLER REPORT WRAPS UP
    No collusion. No opinion on obstruction. No one on either side changed their mind. Next?
  3. SANTA FE WOMAN TO APPEAR ON JEOPARDY! IN APRIL
    We’ll take “Born Here All My Life” for $500, Alex.
  4. APPARENTLY SMOKING LOTS OF WEED UPS YOUR CHANCES FOR PSYCHOSIS
    Sorry, SFR staff—tough blow.
  5. FEDERAL JUDGE SAYS OIL AND GAS PROJECTS MUST CONSIDER CLIMATE DAMAGE
    Planet over profits #FTW
  6. HISTORIC HIGH RATE OF NEW MEXICO STUDENTS GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL
    In other news, a historically low number of garage bands were started this year.
  7. CHIPOTLE IS MOVING INTO TOWN
    Because it’s been so hard to get a burrito around here for so long.