1. JONAS BROTHERS ARE BACK!
    Next is frogs; at night, the locusts come.
  2. COHEN TESTIFIES AGAINST TRUMP
    And AOC is a hero, we’ll tell you that.
  3. FORMER NEW MEXICO GOV. MARTINEZ JOINS JEB BUSH-FOUNDED EDUCATION THINK TANK IN FLORIDA
    What even is this sentence?
  4. POLICE STANDOFF NEAR HATCH WINDS UP IN SHOOTING
    BUT IS THE CHILE OK?!
  5. STATE LEGISLATURE GUTS LIBRARY FUNDING BILL
    In your face, Gutenberg!
  6. TRUMP KEEPS GOING PLACES AND HUGGING THE AMERICAN FLAG
    We know the flag isn’t alive, but still, there’s no way it wants that.
  7. STATEWIDE GENDER NEUTRAL BATHROOM BILL PASSES
    And if that news bugs you, you’re probably a jerk.