1. LOCAL SCHOOLS TRY FIRST ELECTION VIA MAIL
    No word on whether cursive is mandatory.
  2. NEW STATE REP. ANDREA ROMERO TRIES TO ELIMINATE PRESS FREEDOM
    But when she realized that we were all on to her, she backed off.
  3. LOWEST-SCORING SUPERBOWL EVER
    We were too busy taking care of our Souper Bowl hangover to get bored by sportsball.
  4. TRUMP PROMISES TO SCROLL NAMES ACROSS THE SCREEN DURING STATE OF THE UNION FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF $1
    Alternate idea: Buy an ad in a newspaper for a low, low price, actually get something out of it, and support the very thing that keeps folks like Trump at bay!
  5. SERVERS IN SANTA FE SERIOUSLY DON’T WANT THEIR TIPS MESSED WITH
    Hey, legislators—don’t fuck the people working in one of our most important economic drivers. Thanks, bye.
  6. SANTA FE AND ALBUQUERQUE MAKE TRIPADVISOR’S “TOP 20 CITIES TO VISIT” LIST
    Which is exactly what your landlord will tell you when they’re jacking up your rent again or converting to Airbnb.
  7. SANTA FE MAN SMUGGLES KNIFE INTO JAIL IN HIS BUTT
    It’s getting it in there that’s the hard part.