1. WEAPONS BANNED DURING JOINT LEGISLATIVE SESSIONS
    Please just stick to your word bullets.
  2. RAILRUNNER TRAIN RIDERSHIP DECREASES AGAIN
    Wile E Coyote might just win after all.
  3. TRUMP SERVES UP VERITABLE FAST FOOD CORNUCOPIA TO VISITING COLLEGE SPORTSBALL TEAM
    Chicken fingies, fish sammies, freedom fries and hamberders for all!
  4. ARCHDIOCESE OF SANTA FE URGES NO TOUCHING FOR FLU SEASON
    How ’bout everyone in the clergy keeps his hands to himself in all seasons?
  5. GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN IS LONGEST IN US HISTORY
    But hey, as long as unpaid workers can go to Meow Wolf for free, life is good!
  6. NETFLIX TO RAISE SUBSCRIPTION FEES AGAIN
    No word on fees for new “scroll for six minutes, wonder what the hell you’re looking at and then just switch back to Hulu” plan.
  7. ROSWELL TV SHOW GETS THE REBOOT TREATMENT
    Part of CW’s 2019 “We don’t know—just greenlight anything, we guess!” lineup.