1. STEVE PEARCE MIGHT RUN FOR STATE GOP PARTY CHAIRMAN
    There Will Be Oil. 
  2. CHRISTIAN MISSIONARY KILLED BY ISOLATED TRIBE ON REMOTE ISLAND
    There’s actually a law protecting the tribe and forbidding entry to the island, but hey … here I come.
  3. TROOPS AUTHORIZED TO USE LETHAL FORCE AT US/MEXICO BORDER, TEAR GAS A BUNCH OF FAMILIES AND KIDS
    You ever just feel so ashamed of your country that you start telling people you’re Canadian?
  4. THE FOOD DEPOT RANKED ONE OF THE NATION’S BEST
    No jokes—just awesome.
  5. COMPANIES SAY MEDPOT PATIENTS DON’T GET FREE PASS ON DRUG TEST
    It’s a plant, man. Have some.
  6. SANTA FE BREWING CO. LOOKING TO START PRODUCING CIDER SOON
    No word on whether employers might test for that alongside cannabis.
  7. NASA’S INSIGHT LANDER REACHES MARS
    Begins mission to act as life raft for stranded astronaut 60 years from now.