1. MORE JAIL TIME FOR PHIL GRIEGO
    Can’t you just hear the Curb Your Enthusiasm music in your head?
  2. UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA STUDENTS TEAR DOWN CONFEDERATE MONUMENT
    Like our grandmother always said, if you want to rip down a statue dedicated to racist bullshit, you’ve got to do it yourself.
  3. TRUMP’S EPA WANTS TO ROLL BACK COAL REGULATIONS AND LEAVE IT TO THE STATES
    Four Corners ozone hot spot to be featured on the next New Mexico TRUE campaign.
  4. SFPS SUPERINTENDENT ACCUSES PED OF RETALIATION OVER SCHOOL EQUITY LAWSUIT
    Hey PED, you’re literally violating the constitutional rights of children in New Mexico. Maybe show some humility?
  5. THEFTS HIT INDIAN MARKET
    That’s super cool of you, thieves. You sound like really great people.
  6. STATE SAYS PRIVATE PRISON OWES THEM MORE THAN $3 MILLION IN GRT, PENALTIES
    Which is weird because private prisons are usually some of the most upstanding and just institutions.
  7. MELANIA TRUMP SPEAKS OUT AGAINST CYBER-BULLYING WHILE HER HUSBAND CONTINUES HIS REIGN OF TWITTER TERROR
    No jokes, though, because this is actually incredibly sad.