1. AMERICAN SPIRIT TO CLOSE SANTA FE OFFICE IN JUNE
    Giant pink coyote with the voice of Johnny Cash will be their spirit guide on the voyage to North Carolina.
  2. NEW MEXICO CHILE CROP TONNAGE DOWN 12 PERCENT
    God, no! WHY!?
  3. COUNTY PLANNING BOARD RECOMMENDS AGAINST PROPOSED TRUCK STOP
    We like the stuff, we don’t like doing the stuff to get the stuff.
  4. SELF-DRIVING UBER VEHICLE KILLS ARIZONA WOMAN
    This is literally the precursor to the Terminator movies.
  5. EVERYONE HAS NOW REPORTED THE BOWLING ALLEY PLANNED AT DE VARGAS
    If you say no to this, it’s going to become a truck stop.
  6. NEW SOUTHSIDE HOSPITAL PLANS JOB FAIRS
    Attention film crews looking for a backpack plan
  7. ALLSUPS SAYS EMPLOYEES GOT BONUS CHECKS THANKS TO FEDERAL TAX PLAN
    The louder an executive brags about this, the larger the payout they gave to themselves.