1. SFR WINS 10 TOP OF THE ROCKIES AWARDS FROM THE SOCIETY OF PROFESSIONAL JOURNALISTS

We’d like to thank your mothers.

2. INTEL WILL INVEST $3.5 BILLION IN NEW MEXICO PLANT

And by “plant” we mean “factory,” not cannabis.

3. FDA CONSIDERING APPROVAL OF PFIZER VACCINE FOR TEENS

The “Vaccines for Teens,” campaign practically writes itself!

4. NEW TARANTULA-LIKE SPIDER ID’D IN FLORIDA EVERGLADES

Kill it! Kill it with fire!

5. ELON MUSK HOSTS SNL

Not that the show’s regular output is doing anyone any favors, but this is just gross.

6. CITY OF SANTA FE TO TAKE OVER ROADS PREVIOUSLY MAINTAINED BY THE STATE DoT

We expect partying in the streets, fireworks, people hugging and crying.

7. MAY IS LOWRIDER MONTH IN SANTA FE

And trust us—they’re all bad.