The Fork: New To Us

We’re always just out there, like, “Pshshshsht, man, we’ve gotta eat some things we’ve never eaten before,” y’know? Like, we want to eat new things all the time, and we’re not even talking about, like, ostrich neck bacon (does that exist?) or dik-dik meat (someone surely has eaten a dik-dik at some point?) We’re talking about simple things, or things our mom gives us because she liked them. As such, here’s a list of things we ate this week that we’ve never eaten before, and that you should try, too.

Trader Joe’s Aussie-Style Chocolate Cream Sandwich Cookies

The name’s a mouthful, but we swear to Satan it’s one of the best cookies we’ve ever had. We don’t know how it’s Australian (some sort of Hemsworth involvement? Jackman?), but we do know it’s a chocolate cream-filled chocolate cookie dunked in chocolate. There are 11 in the box and we ate nine in one sitting.

Natural Grocer Brand Organic Truffles

We’d gone to Natural Grocers for water and produce, we left with caramel truffles, and thank goodness we did. We’re not saying they’re great for you, but we are saying that the caramel version is phenomenal, especially when one lets it melt in their mouth slowly over time. Are we still vexed by most of the hippie products in that store? Big time. Will we still go there? Also big time.

Home Run Inn Mini Pizza

We cannot find them on the company’s website for whatever reason, but Home Run Inn (which is a frozen pizza brand that is better than Red Baron but still worse than just getting a pizza from a restaurant) now has mini versions. We like to get the cheese kind and then put our own mushrooms or whatever on them. Again, they’re mostly just fine, but as an item that takes like 15 minutes start to finish on a cold winter night after a long day? Sold!

Apple Slaw at Dr. Field Goods

If you hadn’t heard, formerly Midtown-based eatery Dr. Field Goods took over the old Santa Fe Bar & Grill location in the DeVargas Center, and it’s pretty awesome. We went with our boss and had a grilled cheese on black bread; he had the Cubano, which looked AMAZING, even if, as he told me, people have all kinds of rules about how those sandwiches work. Anyway, the real star of the show was this apple-based coleslaw with green apples, which was so freaking tangy and bright and tasty. We’re gonna go back and maybe just get that. Side note? Owner/chef Josh Gerwin was in there running food, because the place was slammed, and we salute him for not acting like chefs are above their crew. Like, thumbs up to that guy. Gerwin’s website isn’t updated to include the new spot just yet, but believe us—it’s there.

Kar’s Sweet ‘N Salty Mix

An angelic co-worker started bringing snacks in for everyone at the office—which is so damn amazing—and within the piles of things, we discovered Kar’s Sweet ‘N Salty Mix, a sweet and salty mix of peanuts, cocoa candies, raisins and sunflower seeds. We know about trail mix, we know about how you can just get M&Ms (more on M&Ms later), but this particular brand’s particular mix really works when we’re hitting the 2 pm doldrums and need a little snack-a-roonie.

How about y’all? Eat anything good this week?

Tell someone, “You’re a dik-dik!”

Also

-Buns Dumpling Café is now open for business in that cursed spot on Sandoval Street. According to the Santa Fe New Mexican’s Teya Vitu (the Lex Luthor to our Superman), the folks who also own Dumpling Tea and Sushi 8 Hibachi & Sushi “weren’t looking for a full-scale restaurant,” yet here we are. There’s no site yet, but you can go to the Dumpling Tea site here.

-Educational outpost/eatery Open Kitchen has some big things coming soon, according to proprietor and chef Hue-Chan Karels. We’re talkin’ about Alkeme, a new “culture to table” concept starring executive chef Erica Tai, who came up under Karels. We’re not quite sure what to expect yet, but we can just about guarantee it’s going to be good—we’ve had Karels’ food before, and it’s incredible; Tai seems hungry and ready to blow our minds, too.

-So that Restoration Pizza joint is open now in the Railyard. Have you been? We went, but we’re staying quiet about that experience for now. Jeeze, we’re spoiled for pizza around here lately. They have a bunch of Bosque beers. Y’all like beers, no?

-A number of readers have reached out to ask us about Door 38 Pizza, that Detroit-style pizzeria over on Burro Alley (or is it “in” Burro Alley?) Apparently they’re having a hard time getting in touch, and we did, too. If anyone has any info about whether it’s still open, or even an in with the owners or workers, let us know. People love that dang space and we don’t blame ‘em, but for now it’s sure looking like it might have closed.

-Consider this another reminder that Valentine’s Day is soon, and if you subscribe to disingenuous displays of love dictated by corporations, you should probably think about reserving a restaurant.

-Oh, dip, that downtown Tumbleroot Brewery & Distillery outpost known as Tumbleroot Pottery Pub is apparently open now. The new downtown biz is, according to co-owner Angela Kirkman, “a marriage between...Paseo Pottery and...Tumbleroot Brewery & Distillery.” Boiled down? You can drink and do pottery stuff and all the drinking vessels are made by local ceramicists and...yeah.

-And that’s literally everything that’s happened food-wise around here in recent days. Naw, just kidding, we bet other stuff has happened. Hit us up with tips, though!

In our quest to find weird food commercials after last week’s glorious pizza one, we found something so so glorious.

SHOUT-OUT FROM A READER!

Not so much a shout-out as it is a differing perspective from a reader, re: when we said last week that businesses don’t have to answer their phones if they don’t want.

Having a published phone number says you are willing to receive communication that way. Ditto for a website with a inquiry form, or a published email address. Having the phone ring, unanswered, is comparable to having someone speak to the manager while said jefe/honcho remains mute. That’s called “rude.”

So sayeth reader Brian W. We see your point, Brian, and we appreciate that you can disagree with us without being mean about it. What do the rest of you think? We still say that a business can choose not to pick up their phone, but Brian’s point about posted biz hours makes sense, too.

More Tidbits

-Papa John’s, being that pizza chain with the bonkers/racist founder who we think is also named Papa John—and which does not have a Santa Fe location, but we don’t know what’s up in Albuquerque—has a new pizza with cheese on the bottom of the crust. Gross. (Slightly less gross: Said bonkers/racist founder, John Schnatter, was ousted from the board of his own company, but only after journalists published his said racism for all to see.)

-A Chicago McDonald’s franchise that opened in 1968—with the first-ever Black owner, mind you—is slated to reopen soon with new amenities, including a classroom. According to now-owner Yolanda Travis, it’s about bringing community together. In our younger years, we might’ve dunked on the idea of a McDonald’s being a community gathering spot, but maybe it’ll be like some sort of nouveau Green Dragon Tavern, at which our generation’s brightest minds might meet to deal with the general...everything around here that sucks.

-How intense was episode three of The Last of Us? No spoilers, but we loved it and mention it in a food column because there’s stuff in there about pairing a nice Beaujolais with rabbit. If you’ve been sleeping, TLOU is based on a video game and is quickly turning into one of the better shows of right now.

-The goobs at USA Today have a bunch of suggestions for egg substitutes. This is all well and good, but we all know it’ll never quite be the same. Why do we even need this? Because eggs are, like, $9 a dozen now because God hates us all.

-Country music icon turned sometimes sitcom performer Reba McEntire has a restaurant now for some reason. See, if we had Reba money, we’d probably post up on an island, pet the fucking sea turtles and live our lives half-drunk. Anyway, it’s in Oklahoma, so if you’re around there and you go, send us a photo or something. It’s called Reba’s Place, so nobody strained any brain muscles working that one out. Y’know, it’s just so typical of the country elite to open a restaurant instead of writing new songs about being bummed out. If it’s not appearing in some dumbass Tim Allen show, it’s this, Reba? God! Get your shit together, Reba! Get your head outta your ass! GOD!

-BREAKING: We were maybe too harsh with Reba, but in our defense we’ll never meet her and even if we did, we’d never divulge our secret identity.

-Oh, and also, lastly—and because, as we said, God hates us all—there’s some pop-up Taylor Swift bar out there now, and it’s aimed at people going through breakups (breaksup?) Like we do with Reba, we’ve just gotta wonder when enough’s enough. Like, how much money can a person have?

A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence

In the print edition of SFR this week, learn why you should still give New York on Catron a chance, even if it wasn’t so great this time.

Number of Letters Received

28

*The age we wish we still were...or will someday be

Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader)

“Do you think you’re funny?”

*We KNOW we’re funny, plus our mom says we’re beautiful.

Actually Helpful Tip(s)

“Put artichokes on your list.”

*That’s so strange, because we were just thinking we’d not had a ‘choke in too long. Thanks for the reminder!

Headed to Jones BBQ & Foot Massage,

The Fork