Help Us!

We already ate one of the two yellow watermelons Le Forkette found at Trader Joe’s, and the other one’s sitting in the fridge waiting for us. Don’t worry—this isn’t another Trader Joe’s edition of The Fork, but we’ll say that if watermelons kept like wine does, we’d stick it in our watermelon cellar to save for a wedding or graduation or something. We’d pull it out to the oooooohs and aaaaaaahs of the people we love, and we’d make a big deal about cutting into it with a saber like it’s an emmer-effing ceremony. Clumsily confused wine/Champagne allusions aside, the yellow watermelon is amazing, and so we’re just wondering—why can’t we find that ding-dang melon more often?

“Everybody wants them, so we usually run out a few minutes after they’re on the floor,” says a buddy who works in an Arizona grocery store, and who spoke to us under the condition of anonymity. “It doesn’t happen where I work now, but at my last store, the employees would even buy them before they ever made it out of the back.”

It’s like those damn Loganberries in Oregon or Huckleberries in Montana—those fools don’t want to let the goods our of their states! But unlike those berries, yellow watermelon seems even harder to find because people are aware of it enough to strike whenever possible. And though they can be grown pretty much anywhere when it’s warm enough (they’re a summer melon, y’all), you might be interested to know that they’re usually only grown in Africa (their country of origin), California and Mexico. We’re pretty sure this means those places are awash in yellow watermelon while we only get, like, one or two good ones a year.

Not only that, but they look like regular watermelons, so we have this horrible vision of people who don’t know there are yellow watermelons, and they buy those watermelons thinking they’re the more common reddish-purple watermelon, and then they throw away or otherwise don’t appreciate the yellow watermelon because they don’t understand that watermelon, and those watermelons are wasted while we’re over here, dying for a slice, and fully about to freak out on everyone because we’ve had it up to fucking here with the more common reddish-purple watermelon.

Watermelon.

Point is, if you ever find one or more, buy them and thank us later. Or just enjoy. Know that you’re sampling a variety that predates the more common reddish-purple variety. And just because its lack of the antioxidant lycopene (which gives the more common watermelon its hue) is a real thing, don’t think it’s going to be bad for you. Sometimes you’ve just gotta do what feels good, y’know? Oh, and if you find some but you don’t want ‘em, email us immediately at thefork@sfreporter.com. We’ll buy them.

Lastly, here’s three tips for how to pick out a good one—yellow or not:

Thump that shit

If you thump the undercarriage of the watermelon, it should sound kind of deeply hollow. That means it’s juicy as eff.

Consider that shit’s weight

If it feels weirdly heavy for its size, you’re on the right track.

Check for that shit’s field spot

There’s this spot on a watermelon that forms because it’s where it sits while growing—you want it an almost cream-colored yellow. This is not mandatory, but it helps us.

Lastly, we’re going to be off from Forking next week. Sorry, buds. We’ll be back after that. Just know that we probably won’t be thinking about you even in the least while we’re off parasailing and making large bets in some fabulous Macau casino.

We’re putting this in here for its vague connection to watermelons, but also for an SFR staffer who loves this nerd. And you all. All of you all, too.

Also

-We’re going to remind you once more about our Restaurant Directory , which is available online only and is a great way to find a restaurant. We’re adding stuff to it, too, because we don’t know if you know this—but it’s really hard to find every single restaurant in a city.

-Sad news from the folks at Terra Verde Organic , who announced this week that Friday, June 11 (that’s the day after The Fork first drops) will be the final day for the Midtown eatery. “This passion project of ours has enveloped our lives for the past two years with so much promise excitement and love,” reads a statement from the restaurant. “It will be difficult to let go and not see all of our regulars day to day, but the time has come.”

-There’s better news from Café Pasqual’s , which will re-open its doors on Saturday, June 12 for breakfast and lunch (8 am-3 pm) plus dinner (5:30-9:30 pm). The way we hear it, you’ll really want to make sure you have a dinner rezzie (which you can make by calling 983-9340). Pasqual’s had phased to takeout during the pandemic, but ultimately shuttered its doors for some time, so for everyone who has been super-pumped on this place coming back, it’s coming back.

-Our eagle-eyed scouts (which sounds like a ’90s band we would not listen to) pointed out that a sign for a soon-to-exist Rudy’s BBQ popped up on the Southside near Jaguar Road. We think it might behoove some of our readers to read this-here SFR story about the food swamp/food desert situation going down in that part of town. Yes, the story’s a little older, but the wheels of effing everything move slowly in Santa Fe. Anyway, as we’ve said in the past we’re not the hugest chain joint fans, but at least it’s not another Chipotle.

-The city o’ Santa Fe announced this week that licenses will be available for pushcart vendors who wish to operate on the Plaza. Here’s the link to apply. We’ve got our fingers crossed for some amazing paletas or some kind of cous cous in a cone situation.

-The Albuquerque-based Scovie Awards—which hands out accolades for the spiciest foods around—is accepting entries for its 2022 awards as of this week. Yes, we said 2022. Learn more here .

-Ohhhhhhhh, dang! Corrales brewery Ex Novo has partnered with New Mexico United (that’s our state’s soccer team) for a special-ass beer called Stay Goalden (it’s a golden ale; there are goals in soccer). Setting aside the absolutely brilliant pun work here, we think it sounds pretty great.

More Tidbits

-There’s been many a culture war fought over whether or not good BBQ should come with sauce or not, and Eater-dot-com’s Adrian Miller points out that saying yes to sauce is an important element to Black BBQ. It’s pretty interesting .

-Uh-oh, you’re cooking burgers wrong. At least that’s according to Thrillist-dot-com, which tallies up a whopping 18 ways you’re grilling burgs like some kind of super-jerk.

-Buzzfeed has compiled a list of bartenders who have found that certain people almost always order certain kinds of drinks. It’s a hoot of a read at best and, at worst, will kill several minutes of your day.

-Afro-Honduran baker Bryan Ford has some choice words for European pastry fans, and we must say it’s pretty eye-opening . We’re all trying to do better, and much of that comes with having to learn why systems in place aren’t always the best...or usually are the worst.

-Word on the street is that Tik-Tok users have started making faux sushi rolls out of Oreo cookies. Ummm, yes. We’re here for that—both in taste and presentation. In fact, you could put Oreo chunks in a freaking red sauce and we’d probably go to town on that bad boy.

-This is a slightly older piece from People-dot-com, but the masterminds at the magazine that you begrudgingly read at the dentist have put together a look at the weirdest foods coming to your store shelves soon. Like pickle Pringles (which sounds like a roller derby name) or mini transportable Cinnabon snax.

A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence

Number of Letters Received

39

*So y’all like Trader Joe’s, too?

Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader)

“Get over it!”

*YOU get over it!

Actually Helpful Tip(s)

Everybody wants a “Frenz of the Fork” tee-shirt...we might start getting that together.

But then you’d all have to take selfies wearing it to prove you love us.

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Almost out of yellow watermelon,

The Fork