The Fork

Greetings from the other end of a maddening morning full of snow up to our knees. Le Forkette’s kindly dug out L’Forkmobile from beneath the absurd amounts of...whatever the hell it is that snow actually is (don’t tell us, we don’t care), but the drive over the SFR HQ from the Forktress of Solitude was dicey at best. Still, waiting for the truck that slid into a 360-degree spin because some dudes decide driving fast in the snow says a lot about their dick game gave us a lot of time to think about what we’d get into today, and—get this—we’re getting into snow. To be more precise, we looked into things you can eat that involve snow. You’re welcome America!

Snow Cone

Duh. This one speaks for itself. Put snow in a cone, put stuff in that snow. You know—teriyaki or, like, fish oil. Just kidding—use syrup. We found a wholesale syrup website for all y’all. And if you’re thinking “I’m not doing that,” remember how you’ve got no place to go and your kids are looking at you like you’re a gigantic turkey leg.

Snow-cicle

You can use that syrup site from before, or, like, regular fruit juice for this bad boy, but you’ll also need one of those popsicle molds. Get all up in there with snow. Like, you can’t pack it tight enough. Then, add your sizzurp or juice and pack in more so it’s pretty tight. Freeze it. Boom—snow-cicles.

Snow-garita and/or Snow-pagne

Slushy drinks are better, so make a margarita with a tightly packed snowball in place of crushed ice, or just pop some into your champagne flute. We lower-cased “champagne” because there’s no way you’re getting the real stuff, you opposites of Daddy Warbucks.

Snow Candy

You’ll need you some real-ass maple syrup and some packed-ass snow. We recommend packing it into a baking pan...one of those Pyrex numbers. Anyway, once you’ve packed the snow in good, leave it outside to stay cold, then heat up 1 and 1/2 cups of maple syrup on the stove. It’s not an exact science, but you want it pretty warm, not boiling. Once it’s warm, drizzle over the packed snow in the baking pan Pyrex thing. Voila!

Peppermint Snow Jazz

You’ll need some peppermint extract, but you can get that at Whole Foods or Sprouts. Set it on the counter and don’t think about it for a second, but, like, maybe get some measuring spoons ready. Use your measuring spoon belt holster. Oh, sorry, did your high school not teach you about measuring spoon holsters? You should have one. Every house should. Anyway, you’ll need a 14 oz. can of sweetened condensed milk. In a pot, heat and stir that can (you can mix heavy cream and a little sugar, too ... just eyeball it—you know how much sweetness you want). Add 1 teaspoon of the peppermint extract using your measuring spoon and stir well. Let chill for one hour while you gather a little snow in a bowl. Pour in chilled sweet/mint milk and stir until it’s a sticky awesome bit of awesome. Enjoy!

Ohhhhhhhh, yeah. The North Atlantic’s “Buried Under Tundra.” Still good a million years later.

Also

-Big news from the Legislature regarding the future of booze delivery in Santa Fe as it seems House Bill 255, which would allow home delivery of alcohol through a new type of liquor license, has cleared its first hurdle. Some restaurant owners have told us this would be a godsend, while others—especially those who’ve spent years under the old liquor licensing rules, which are reportedly expensive and tough—oppose the bill.

-Whaddya know about Chomp, that food hall-esque place in the Luna Center on Cerrillos Road that has all kinds of food stuff going on in there? The pandemic makes things weird, so hours have been sporadic, but from what we’ve seen online this week, the Valentine’s Day weekend was excellent for ‘em. Follow the Facebook page to stay abreast.

-The Santa Fe Opera named its new chief artistic officer last week, which we realize isn’t really a food-based news item, but bear with us. SFR’s culture editor spoke with SFO General Director Robert K Meya about the upcoming season, including whether there will be the legendarily lavish tailgate parties (see—food related), and Meya says that, assuming an in-person season happens, that can and will be a reality.

-There. Three things. Be nice—the snow is terrible.

More Tidbits

-This is kind of local, kind of national, but it seems USA Today says Whoo’s Donuts is one of the best in all the land in a recent piece about donuts across said land. And before you email us about how you like some other place better, just don’t—unless you’re sending us donuts.

-If you’ve been following the news, Texas’ brush with the recent (and possibly still-happening by the time you read this) winter storm has been pretty intense, especially since folks are dealing with rolling blackouts that pretty much leave them without heat or power. This has also resulted in many a closed business, but in Houston, where things are rullll bad, restaurant owners are stepping up to help their community. Radical.

-PSA: We got a little personal-sized green chile pizza from Pizza Etc. the other day, and it was EXCELLENT! Don’t sleep on it. And don’t @us, people from the East Coast—we get it...you have good pizza there. Try being cool just for once. Jeeze.

-Mac & cheese that’s also a lasagna? Thanks, chef Miilie Peartree! Check out Peartree’s BONKERS looking Southern Baked Mac & Cheese (and learn how to make it) here.

-Over on Bon Appétit-dot-com, they’re breaking down the tofu game, getting into what it is, how to buy it, how to use it and why it can be so good and also so not good.

-Lastly in not-so-local news is a piece of not-so-new news (but we just saw it, so relax): Turns out that you can get Kit-Kats made with chocolate aged in whiskey barrels in Scotland—but only in Japan, dear readers. We know this will be exciting to the specifically dear reader who brought us Kit-Kats that one time (which we still love them for), and we’d like to know why Japan gets all the cool Kit-Kats while we’re eating plain flavor over here like a bunch of nerds!

Finally

In the print edition of SFR, find out why fine dining is having a particularly tough go of the pandemic, and how The Compound’s Mark Kiffin is working to keep things going.

A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence

Number of Letters Received 27 *We’ve upset the entire Eastern Seaboard with our anti-Necco stance, it seems.

Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader) “You’ve probably never had Necco.” *No, we’ve had them—that’s how we know they suck.

Actually Helpful Tip Not a tip so much, but Fork Fan Janelle pretty much made our year by making L’Fork’s Patented-Ass Oatmeal Cookies (with a few tweaks all her own, but still—we’re so pumped someone made our recipe!) *She even sent a photo (and they look GORGEOUS):

As our father would say, chuffed, The Fork