The Fork

Today, we’re bummed. We’re the opposite of Ann-Margaret over here (although, was she sad in Bye-Bye, Birdie? A little? And why are we always talking about that show?) ... and we’re about to share the reason why thanks to dedicated Fork Fan Robyn M, who shared the following email with us:

“We want to let the community know that we didn’t grow any turkeys this year for Thanksgiving and we are moving on from turkeys as a product we grow. We really thank the entire community for 25 years of supporting us and without such support we wouldn’t have lasted as long as we did. We will continue to make a full range of organic poultry fees and our goat mix and be a resource for organic grains and cover crop seeds. We are now excited to move into the wine making business and we hope the community will support Embudo Valley Vineyards as much as they did the turkey business. With much love and gratitude from Embudo Valley Organics”

As Robyn also says, this makes four wineries in the Dixon area (along with Vivac, Black Mesa and La Chiripada), but it’s still a pretty tough blow for folks who were expecting a nice-ass turkey from the EVO people. See, they raised their turkeys with kindness (and we know how that ends up), and were thus dubbed “Home of the happy turkey.” Now we’ll all probably have to go to a store or something. We’re unsure for the moment. Either way, apologies for suggesting you call EVO in the last Fork. We didn’t know yet. L’sigh. L’Fork l’sighs l’wistfully.

So yeah...we’ll open it up to any suggestions folks have for sourcing a turkey that didn’t go through the horrible factory farm system. Yeesh. But seriously—what’s your plan and how can we help other readers?

Parry Gripp of Nerf Herder’s turkey song is The Fork’s only real tradition.

Also

-Ummmm...Arroyo Vino has comprised a list of wines that go well with turkeys. Awesome. What a good idea! You can visit their site to learn more, but know that quantities are apparently limited. So, like, be cool and quick and then later, when your family is all like “Who chose the wine?” You can be like, “I did, Dad.” And your dad, hugging you for the first time in 30 years, whispers into your ear “I’m proud of you,” for the first time ever.

-Shoutout and congrats to our best friends at Edible New Mexico as their new print issue is out and the cover alone is GORGEOUS. Hey, Edible? Who took that pic of the red chile pot thing?? They’re goooood! Anyway, it’s about family. The issue, we mean.

-There will be no Southwest Chocolate and Coffee Fest this year (because God is dead..or coronoavirus, you choose), BUT the whole thing’s phasing to an online kinda deal that you can find riiiiiiiight heeeeere. The idea is to help support vendors who’ll miss out due to health restrictions. Fingers crossed for next year!

-Add Rio Chama to the Thanksgiving dinner list you’re keeping in your mind (reminder: we’re not compiling a list this year, but we’ll mention things as we hear about them). For $75 per person, you’ll get a prix fixe meal including polenta gnocchi, lobster bisque, turkey, seared salmon, prime rib or a blackened cauliflower steak plus your choice of pumpkin or pecan pie.

More Tidbits

-In an ongoing attempt to remain relevant beyond that one year we all flooded in for those sweet Land Before Time hand puppets, Pizza Hut is adding Beyond Meat to its menu. We don’t know if you know that we don’t eat meat (no, it’s true), but we’re honestly really excited about that prospect.

Oh, sure—they make it to the safe place in the end of the movie, but there’s no avoiding how these dinos were destined to get meteor’d.

-Not to be outdone by pizza, McDonald’s is adding all kinds of plant-based items to their shits, too.

-Starbucks, meanwhile, continues its all-out assault on the holiday season, targeting lovers of all things chaste and good with limited edition cups and seasonal drinks like the monsters they are. Naw, jay-kay—it’s cups and drinks with lots of sugar. Also, who the eff cares about a limited edition cup? Y’know, unless we’re talking about the Flintstones Kids glasses from Pizza Hut. Get real, vitamin breath!

If you think about it, the Flintstones and the Rubbles would all be fully full-on dead by now, too.

-For folks who are sick to death of making ginger bread houses comes the Charcuterie Chalet, a weird-ass little house made of crackers and meat and stuff. It’s basically like an absurd puzzle of...meats and crackers and stuff. They’ll reportedly be around for a limited time. But, like, who the eff cares about a limited edition puzzle anyway? Y’know, unless we’re talking about that Beauty and the Beast puzzle from Pizza Hut. Get real, bruschetta breath!

What was this weird thing in ’90s commercials wherein kids were seemingly terrorized by their gross relatives ad infinitum?

-We wound up going down this really crazy rabbit hole about how people eat in space (it’s a long story, but suffice it to say we were arguing/screaming at a friend about how we don’t think NASA lets the astronauts smoke weed up there). Anyway, since we were curious, we thought you would be, too, so here’s a little something from the Air and Space Museum on the topic. Ultimately, though, one wonders who the eff cares about food as it applies to space. Unless, y’know, we’re talking about those ET glasses from Pizza Hut. Get real, black hole breath!

Honestly, some of these are pretty creepy.

Finally

In the print edition of SFR, discover why it’s easier to get food delivered to your home than you thought—and it’s all thanks to Skarsgard Farms. 

A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence

Number of Letters Received 28 *Back down again!

Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader) “Turkey is weird, right?” *So weird.

Actually Helpful Tip “All those people who told us about the turkey place not doing turkeys.” *So bummed for everyone who liked those nerds.

From a land before time, The Fork