Here’s the 100% true and historically accurate story of our weekend churro expedition to Oasis Ice Cream Shop:

Saturday, mid-day. Still warm/before the AWFUL snow blanketing our town as we write this (“But, The Fork! I LOVE snow!” JUST STOP IT!!!), and we were tired, as was our partner L’Forkette. But just when we’d resolved ourselves to a day on the couch whining about how COVID-19 did it to us, not sheer laziness (full disclosure: pandemic or no, it’s hard getting up some times), it happened. Our partner said those magic words:

“Ohmygod. Look at this post online! This place in the Design Center has a churro sundae!”

Leaping up with the grace of a Grecian half-god/half-goat, we snatched the phone from her hands so quickly and so ferociously, a sonic boom exploded out from Chez Fork, scattering the birds in nearby trees, setting off car alarms and freaking out every dog within a 5-mile radius. Breathlessly, we thumbed through the post, doing the math in our heads about the coronavirus, money, whether we’d have to get gas to make it to the very same shopping center that houses Pizza Centro and Yin-Yang and Cleopatra Café (all of which, btw, we recommend). 

“WHAT ARE WE FUCKING WAITING FOR?!” we shrieked at L’Forkette, sounding like some unholy abomination from beyond the ninth gate. “GET IN THE EFFING CAR!”

In a flash, we were off—leaping through the window so as not to be slowed down by locking doors, sprinting to the car like we were qualifying for the olympics, shoving children in our way into oncoming traffic to shave down precious seconds, vaulting over obstacles in our way and leaping Dukes of Hazzard style into The Fork-mobile. 

“Sorry,” we shouted to the now-injured kids and their parents. “There’s a churro sundae available in the Design Center!” 

Understanding completely, these parents, who mere moments earlier had been ready to call the police, collectively and simultaneously shouted back: “We get it, Fork! We love you! Hurry!” 

And hurry we did, all the way into the parking lot of the Design Center (downtown near the intersection of Cerrillos Road and Montezuma Avenue). Kicking straight through the doors in a dramatic slow-motion ballet of shattered glass and splintered jambs. We backflipped and karate chopped our way, screaming the whole time, from the entrance to the Oasis Ice Cream Shop (and paletaria). Once inside, the very nice woman running the counter (who was masked big time) asked what we’d come for.

“Are you...the ones?” she said timidly. “Did you come for..."”FOR THE CHURRO SUNDAE, DAMMIT!" we bellowed, cutting her off, just as a sign emblazoned with information about a freaking churro milkshake caught our eye. “AND THE SHAKE!”

With a dozen house-made ice cream options to choose from, we both selected the cookies n' cream (made with Oreos) and watched the scene unfold. For the sundae, the worker filled a cup, offered myriad toppings like choco sauce or nutella, crushed coconut, choco chips, fruity cereal, nuts...you name it. L’Forkette went simple—ice cream, some shaved almonds and, of course, the churro loop.

“What loop?” you ask? Well, Oasis doesn’t just do some staid-ass, assing-ass straight churro. Heck no. Theirs is a loop, almost like two churros in one. And when the worker shoved that bad boy into the sundae, it felt like magic exists. 

For the shake, we chose the same ice cream, but rather than it coming in a paper cup, we were told we’d be gifted a reusable plastic cup. We watched as the worker asked us what we’d like on the rim of the vessel shaped like a small barrel—like it was some kind of ice cream-esque margarita. We chose Nutella with roasted, shaved coconut. And then she shoved the churro in. We gasped at first, but took a deep breath and relaxed, which made the whole thing much more enjoyable.

The cookies n' cream ice cream inside was skillfully blended and refreshing. Think about that just a second...it was refreshing. Frankly, ice cream often makes us feel gross when we eat or drink it, but this fresh made frozen nectar of the gods was something else entirely. Stirring the shake with our churro, we dipped into the ice cream, the Nutella, we felt the coconut adhering to its shaft. And that combination of crispy and soft, warm and cold (did we not mention the churros are served hot? It’s genius). We ate everything in under 10 minutes. And while we understand we’ve made a lot of weird jokes here, that’s the honest truth."Do you think you can just get the churro?" L’Forkette asked us later. “I bet you can,” we replied, unaware at the time that yes, they also just do the churros (and they load up all kinds of stuff on them if you like).

So what’s the moral of the story here? Well, we’ll paraphrase sage words from Aesop himself for that one: If your partner points out to you there’s a business stuffing churros into ice cream, you get it the eff together and get in the car.Oh, and the sundae ran us $5.95 while the shake was $7.95. Just so y’all know.

We don’t usually go for parodies, but we’re trying to illustrate a point here.

Also

-Cranksgiving is coming. That’s right, nerds, the annual bike ride/food charity thing is coming back for another year, but what is it? Well, people on bikes donate $20 for turkeys, then they ride their bikes to the Food Depot in competition for categories like Most Turkeys Transported and Best Costume. Learn more and sign up here.

-Speaking of turkeys and such, we got another email about a nice restaurant doing Thanksgiving (we hope you’re keeping track, because we’re kind of not planning on doing a huge list this year like we did last year because that was HARD). Anyway, we’re talkin' Rosewood Inn of the Anasazi’s prix-fixe meal, which includes butternut squash soup, organic free-range turkey (with a green chile stuffing!), pecan pie with cinnamon ice cream and more! You can have it there from noon-8 pm, and you’ll be looking at $110/adult; $45/kid. There’s also a takeaway option for $110. 

-We’re sad to tell you that while walking along Marcy Street we happened to notice Il Piatto seems to have vacated the premises. There’s a For Lease sign up in the window. We hope to see the storied Italian eatery from chef Matt Yohalem open in another location soon. We do have some super secret insider info about what might pop up next in that spot, but all we can tell you for now is that we hope you like pizza. It’s not a done deal, though, so don’t assume it’s for sure and then yell at us. Dang. 

-Thanks to folks for telling us about Chang’s Dumpling House. We know already and it’s on our list, but we love you emailing tips. Keep 'em coming! If you didn’t know, there’s a freaking dumpling house on Second Street. We’re sooooooooooo down. (Editor’s note: I’ve been to Chang’s Dumpling House and will have a review up in our regular print edition soon!)

-Y’all see how our editor just inserted that thing in there? Kind of annoying. We had to sneak in after they were done to slip in this bit here about how we’re annoyed. 

-If you see a faded sign by the side of the road it says 15 miles to the GYROOOOOO SHAAAAAAACK! Gyro Shack, yeah, yeah! That’s right, Fork Frenz, Boise, Idaho-based gyro chain Gyro Shack wants to open in Santa Fe. We’d point out that Yama’s Greek Rotisserie exists, but whatevs.

-Lastly in local this week (outside of our regular reminders to eat local and tip huge), we happened to notice Sweet Santa Fe is offering up caramel apples right now. If we still had teeth, we’d be all over that. Like, maybe we could just gum them? Who knows.

More Tidbits

-We were just talking about Smucker and their weird new logo, but it also turns out the jam/jelly empire’s about to sell Crisco (which it apparently owns) to Baker’s Joy (they make non-stick cooking spray) for $550 million. Consolidating all the things that make other things not stick to even other things is the kind of business savvy L’Fork can appreciate. 

-Speaking of sales you probably don’t care about (but we believe you should know about because where you spend your bucks matters), Dunkin' Donuts might get sold to the people who own Arby’s, Buffalo Wild Wings and Sonic (or, if you’re from New Mexico, Sonic’s). It’s not a done deal yet, but if it does happen, we just hope everyone from New Jersey and Pennsylvania will be alright.

-Not to endlessly be all like “speaking of...,” but speaking of fast food type places, did you know Popeye’s Chicken has a Cajun-style Turkey (TM) at participating restaurants nationwide for Thanksgiving. We’re not knocking this at all. For $40, folks get a full-on meal they don’t have to make, and we just think that’s pretty cool.

-And still speaking of fast food, apparently there’s a new website that tracks whether or not the McDonald’s near you has a working ice cream machine or not. Turns out, the fast food giant faces broken machines kind of a lot. Now, if we were a different kind of Fork, we might point out that maybe employees tell customers this when it’s very late, or when they’re so slammed the last thing they need is to spend 20 minutes making some intense ice cream abomination for 25 screaming kids. We’d point out that this website robs those people of that breathing room, and that if a broken ice cream machine is such an unthinkable horror, maybe your life needs reevaluating. But we’re not that kind of Fork, so we won’t point that out. 

-Here’s a little story about a chef who can’t smell (a condition called anosmia), which makes tasting kind of hard, which makes it kinda neat she could write a cookbook. Makes it even neater that she’s written five. Yeah, Joke Boon’s a real superstar. We smell and taste fine, and we never wrote a cookbook (as far as you know). Anyway, here’s an incredibly scientific breakdown of how taste works:

And now you know.

-Lastly in around-the-food-o-sphere news, we preface this item with a statement about how it is not a paid endorsement, we just think you’d wanna know: Turns out eater-dot-com started a wine club. Longtime readers no-doubt know we love th site’s food journalism, but now you can get a box full of wine (like, bottles, not boxed wine) chosen by eater-dot-com pros delivered to your home every month. Mayhap a good gift?

Finally

In the print edition of SFR, we get the lowdown on when coffee shop/eatery/plant store Opuntia plans to reopen in the Railyard. And it’s soon!

A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence

 Number of Letters Received 28 *Seems a lot of you are out of town

Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader) “Well, we like pumpkins.” *Great!

Actually Helpful Tip “Everything goes better with bacon: thoughts, imagination, and even…bacon!” *Doling out those wise words is Fork-Fave Albo PF. We don’t eat bacon, but we figure many of you can glean something good from Albo.

Churr-OK, see you later, The Fork