The Fork

The Re-Guiltening!

Regular readers of The Fork and SFR surely know about our ongoing Guilt Tip series, wherein foodservice workers from around Santa Fe (and beyond) regale us with the terrible tales of the people who make their jobs a living hell! If this is new to you, you can read here or here to catch up. It's kind of fun, but also, it's kind of like a public service announcement since we all want to operate in the world without dragging people down, down, down into the dark waters of meanness and weirdness. Anyway, standard rules apply—the names and restaurants are left out to protect the workers and everyone reading this should remember to tip well forever and ever.

It's the Law!
"I think it was last year that there was talk about eliminating tipping in Santa Fe restaurants, and nobody I know in the restaurant industry wanted that to happen, but more than one table I had thought that meant they didn't have to tip at all. I even asked on 'Was there something wrong with your service?' and they said 'Oh, we read there's no tipping anymore.' I tried to explain that hadn't happened yet, but they just pretended not to hear me and rushed out the door."

The Maître d' Has Not Turned Off the "Keep Shoes On" Sign
"I don't remember this from when I was a kid, but more and more we get people who take their shoes off. In the dining room. Near the food. Why?!"

So It Was Written
"There used to be a different place where I work, but it was a long time ago. I mean, a long time ago. So we get this guy a few weeks back who comes in and repeatedly tried to order food from the old place. Eventually the manager had to step in, but the guy wouldn't give up. 'You should be able to make me what they made anyway,' was probably my favorite thing he said."

Art of the Con
"This young dad came in with his kids, and they really had a ball, ordering appetizers and multiple sodas and desserts and everything. But when I went to run his credit card, it was declined. I tried it again with another one, but it was no good. It felt so shitty and the kids were cute, so I told him not to worry about it and paid for it myself with my discount. Something like six months later, he did the same thing to a coworker when I wasn't working, and then a few months after that, he tried to do it again. He doesn't come in anymore, but the worst part to me was always how he brought the kids into it."

Ya Burnt
"Not in foodservice, but I roast coffee, mainly for wholesale to shops and stuff, but I do have some clients who buy smaller batches. One of my regulars demands this one time that she doesn't want her beans roasted. I calmly explain that there's not a lot of point to that, but she says she's covered. What do I care what she does with them? Normally I wouldn't, but she emailed me a week later to complain how bad the coffee tasted. I don't even know what she did to it, but I didn't respond because I've learned who I can or can't help. I still think about her."

Let Them Eat Cake
"It's not unusual for customers to bring in their own cakes or desserts, but we had this one group once that came in with cake mix and a jar of frosting and were just kind of like, 'Better start making this cake.,' to the staff. It was one of the weirder things I've seen."

C'mon, Bro!
"I don't know any women in foodservice who haven't been given a phone number at some point. Guys leave them on the credit card receipt or whatever. Mine was really scary, though, because I saw the guy at the store a few days later, and he was like 'You didn't call.' I tried to laugh it off, and was kind of like, 'Oh, you know…' but it wasn't good enough, apparently. 'It's not a joke,' he said. 'I really put myself out there.' I told him I was seeing someone, and he said 'You should have told me.' When? When I was bringing you drinks? Like, 'Excuse me, everyone, I'm your server, and I'm also seeing someone, just so you know?' He hasn't come back in, thank God."

So, are you reading this and you work in foodservice and have horror stories? Send us what you got to thefork@sfreporter.com.

He's not wrong, but this dude breaking down why it's terrible to work in restaurants is definitely super-weird.

Also

-Happy 20th Anniversary to Velarde, NM's Black Mesa Winery. The vintners over there hit the big two-oh last week, and that's nothing to scoff at. In another year, the vineyard itself will be able to drink of itself. Woah. We're having some weird thoughts now.

-We recently reached out to Opuntia founder Todd Spitzer about when we might see the little café/succulent store back up and running. Spitzer tells us they're looking at April. In case you didn't know, Opuntia is slated to join Bosque Brewing and a few other radical businesses in that big ol' Railyard building that once housed Flying Star.

-Calling all donut fans—there's a new food truck dedicated to the holey treat, and it's called Craft Donuts and Coffee. Our understanding is that you'll find it at 502 Old Santa Fe Trail, and we're not even going to point out how funny it is that Santa Fe has a million food trucks that never really mobilize…y'know, at least anymore than we already did.

-We've kind of been wondering what the deal is with Santa Fe Restaurant Week. No, we're not idiots and yes, we understand the basic concept, but seriously, though—what're the exact benefits for people who head to the participating restaurants? Rest assured we're sending food writer Cole Rehbein to investigate for a future column, but for now, just be aware it's happening.

More Tidbits

-Might be worth a little roadtrip up to Denver as taco joint El Taco de Mexico recently picked up an America's Classics Award from the James Beard folks. Oh, jeeze, we want tacos now.

-Fast food chain Arby's has opened up a flame war against McDonald's with a tweet about how they have a better fish sandwich. Setting aside how McD's obvs has the stronger marketing, we'd urge Arby's to chill just cuz. Meanwhile, if you have strong feelings about either sandwich, allow us to remind you of something important: Both places are pretty gross. Anyway, with people literally getting killed over chicken sandwiches out there, can we all agree to just like what we like and not kill anyone?

-Food journalism killer yelp.com has named the most romantic restaurants in the country with Seattle's Pink Door taking home top honors. Paris is also on the list, as are a bunch of places in California and, somehow, Florida. Weird.

-Ummmm….there's a woman out there whose job is all about the history of street food in New Orleans. This is clearly an aspirational tale and we're questioning all decisions we've ever made. Good for her, though. That's amazing.

-You ever seen that woman from delish.com who goes to theme parks and funfairs and the like and eats all the food and gets progressively more aggressive and upset (because eating all that food in quick succession is probably a horrible nightmare?) Yeah, she's pretty cool, and the Association of Alternative Newsmedia (an org that has bestowed more than a few honors on SFR over the years) has a cool story about her. Her name is Tess Koman. Learn it.

-Good news for fuckbois as Krispy Kreme announced a Rick and Morty-themed donut…situation. In all fairness, that show is really funny, but if you're the kind of dude who believes only you understand its sci-fi and dark humor, take a long hard look at yourself and get real. Then get the donuts.

-Lastly today, and speaking of delish.com, here's a recipe for effing Bailey's brownies (yeah, the booze) from that site. They think you're worth it, we're on the fence—but those brownies sound amazing.

Finally