We've got two very important words for you:
"What's your effing problem, The Fork?!?" you're probably thinking, but heed our words—macadamia milk is pure and true and totally changing up our coffee situation at home (and, hopefully one day, abroad). For you see, the older The Fork gets, the more we have to be careful about what we're ingesting (in the non-booze and weed category). For example, we can no longer eat pizza after 7 in the evening or it's a one-way ticket to Heartburnsylvania and a bogus, so bogus, late night. Don't even get us started on how horrible we felt one morning last week after we decided on a little late night ice cream. As it turns out, dairy and us are maybe not so much friends anymore, so we've been experimenting with various other types of milks.
Macadamia milk is delicious, a satisfying viscosity and goes well in coffee. Unlike your other nut-based milks, it doesn't lend a distinct flavor to things in which it's added. For example, though we love almond milk when it comes to things like cereal and oatmeal, the macadamia milk has become our go-to coffee add-in. It enhances the flavor of the coffee in our experience. Where do you get this heady nectar of the gods, you ask? And what is it called? It's called, aptly, Milkadamia For now, it's only available at Sprouts, though we did find it online at both Wal-Mart (where you should never shop if you can help it) and Amazon (that's the company owned by the billionaire who could easily fix hunger in our lifetime but instead built a spaceship that looks like a gigantic dick). Because even though everyone we've asked has never heard of the stuff, it's not always in stock at Sprouts. We figure other people are on this train, and there's even a vanilla variety (though we prefer the original version), but we really recommend it.
Oat milk, on the other hand, has proven most handy when it comes to making overnight oats—y'know, that thing wherein you can pour some oats and some oat milk into a thing, pop it in your fridge overnight and then have it ready in the morning? It's good stuff and really starts our day right, especially when we throw in some banana slices or some trail mix or a little bit of apple or something. Anyway, you might think that oat milk with oats is too oaty, but the slightly sweet aspect of the stuff works well. Be warned, though, it can leave those oats feeling slightly dry, so you'll probably want to add some macadamia milk to the mix (and also you'll probably want to lobby your local coffee shop to have the option.)
Soy milk remains one of our least favorite things on the planet. Look, we all had a lot of fun back when it was just about the only non-dairy option on the market, but it's time to move on to bigger and better things. Like, oh, we don't know—macadamia milk.
To get back to almond milk, it's true that we love it, but we also think everyone should read this piece from five years back in Mother Jones—which contains the words "ignorant hipsters," because of course it does. Anyway, the moral is that it might taste great, but it's mostly water. Sorry, y'all. Still, we're only human (or you are, anyway), so we might as well do what feels good sometimes. Like going down to our local coffee shops and saying "Y'all should get some macadamia milk up in here."
Lastly, though not literally because we're sure there are and there will be scads of weirdo non-dairy milks appearing over time, there's Ripple—a non-dairy milk made from … some stuff … that … is … actually, what the hell is this stuff? It's reportedly higher in calcium than almond milk (duh) and they do make a creamer specifically for coffee, but having tried a couple varieties, we must say it doesn't taste that good. Kind of like chemicals. And while we're not scientists, and we don't have all the answers, we do know that Ripple is no macadamia milk, so when you're down at your local coffee shop, make sure they know that.
Oh, snap—this insufferable hippie shows you how to make macadamia milk at home in a video that's not even a minute long.Thanks, hippie!
¡Bonus Milk That We Just Heard About!
Ummmmmmm….so while researching this edition of The Fork, we stumbled across a Trader Joe's product we've never seen or heard-tell about until now: Almond, cashew, macadamia milk. It's all three of those things! Is it … have you … why didn't we know about this? Y'all are supposed to keep us up to date! Naw, but for real, we're gonna go looking for this and maybe tell you all about it later.
-We want to encourage folks to get down with nonprofit Kitchen Angels' Feasting with Friends, an annual event that welcomes supporters to host dinner parties in their homes to help raise funds. You can learn more and sign up here, but you can also remember that those Kitchen Angels folks do the good work of feeding the needy, homebound or otherwise food insecure.
–The New Mexico Tourism Department has a new campaign slated for fall that names our state the "Chile Capital of the World." We can't think of anything we've ever heard that's more true. Sorry, Colorado—but thanks so much for reminding the world how dang good New Mexico chile can be.
-Hey look, we're all about Santa Fe, but when cool things come to Albuquerque, we're not about to ignore them. Enter the Farm to Cafeteria Conference, a gathering next April in ABQ hosted by the National Farm to School Network. It's all about getting better foods into cafs, from schools to hospitals, and while we admit we're telling y'all pretty early, we just thought you'd like to know.
-Speaking of ABQ, didja hear that this September (which is pretty much right now) marks 30 years since the li'l winery that could and did and does released its first sparkling wines? Yup. 30 years. Of sparkling wines. And other good stuff, but really, it's the sparkling wines they're celebrating right now. You'll find events in ABQ and Santa Fe a little later this month, but you can always check here for more.
-Seriously, though, what's up with Bonsai Asian Tacos? Anyone?
-Everybody's been tooling around the internet making jokes about Chick-fil-A chicken sammies versus Popeye's chicken sammies (though we'd point out Popeye's doesn't hate gay people, so they should win), but it's becoming serious now. A Houston, Texas, man drew a gun on Popeye's employees after he discovered they'd sold out of the new popular item. For their part, Popeye's has stated that what was meant to be a four month supply of the new sandwich lasted a mere few weeks due to popularity. We don't think any sandwich is worth shooting someone.
-A Fork or two ago, we mentioned that the term Taco Tuesday is actually trademarked, but the saga doesn't end there. LeBron James, who is some kind of sportsball player, we're told, is out to buy the phrase. We like how he does scholarships and school stuff for kids without access to academia, we also envision a world wherein James just lets everybody use the phrase however and whenever they want. Example:
"It sure would be cool if people wouldn't take jokes about hippies so personally."
"Forget it, Fork—it's Taco Tuesday."
*with apologies to Jack Nicholson, but not Polanski.
-IKEA, a company who adorably traps you inside its massive warehouses ne'er to be heard from again, has a new set of adult coloring sheets—but they double as recipes for new or aspiring chefs. We know that's not a lot to go on, so read this.
-A fascinating report from PBS Newshour tackles the concept of food waste as climate change driver. The show also visits France where it's illegal for supermarkets to throw out food close to an expiration date. Instead, they're supposed to donate the items to orgs like the Salvation Army. It's not perfect, though, and some stores may be taking advantage of the government tax loopholes. Learn more, be amazed.
-You been doing the keto thing? Losing weight? Feeling good by denying yourself the things you want? Word, good for you—but according to HuffPost, even if it's working for you, you shouldn't force your kid to engage. Kids need nutritional things adults don't, like Lunchables and Squeez-Its and Ecto Cooler and Dunkaroos. This is just science.
-Lastly today, we're a little weirded out by this delish.com web-show where a young woman eats her way through amusement parks and such. It's not that we mind the food (we love junky-ass fair food), but we wonder what happens to the many, MANY items she samples. Homegirl's taking, like, two bites. Do they throw it away? We're gonna send an email, but in the meantime, you can watch her snack through Coney Island:
Note also that we won’t be around next week because the mounting pressure has really gotten to us, and we just, like, need to regroup and stuff.
A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence
Number of Letters Received
*Many from hippies
Most Helpful Tip of the Week (not edited for content)
“Youre are stupid.”
*Psssssht. You just sound like our mom.
Actually Helpful Tip
“Don’t forget Baja Tacos!”
*Ohmygod, we would NEVER.
See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya,