Who's ready for treats?
The Fork wasn't feeling well for a number of days (long story; spider bite, freaking logistics … too many naps, blah blah blah), but our partner procured for us this really delicious treat from Whole Foods called organic lemon ice cream bars. Now, this thing is vanilla ice cream with an inner core of lemon sorbet, and then they cover the whole dang thing with white chocolate and it's somehow the most delicious thing we've ever eaten. Sadly, though, there are a mere three to a box… But, throwing caution to the wind, we sucked down those bad boys so fast your head'd spin.

But we digress (and regress, if we're being honest) and wish to make our main point: It's cold treat time!

Yeah, that's right, Fork Freaks, it's that wonderful time of the year when hot days make you say to yourself, "You know what, Becky? You work hard and you deserve a little treat!" But where to go and what to get? We've compiled a handy list of three places around town (and one not in town) to help you cool off a bit or, at the very least, have something that tastes good. Because you do work hard, Becky, and you do deserve a little treat.

Ecco Espresso and Gelato
128 E Marcy St., 986-9778
This was our first and most obvious choice since it's right next door to our office and is chock-full 'o' great gelato. Most are great, from the classic straciatella and the inevitable choco-mint, but we're here to tell you one important thing: Don't sleep on the cantaloupe gelato. Furreal. Thank us later. They also do a good espresso.

La Lechería 
1708 Lena St. and 101 W Marcy St., 205-1595
The brainchild of one Joel Coleman, the culinary mind that brought you the Santa Fe gastropub known as Fire & Hops, this ice cream shop has two locations (one also close to us) and all kinds of flavors you didn't expect, like green chile. As a bonus, if you visit the Marcy Street one, there's a killer coffee shop called REMIX Audio Bar just up the stairs.

Paleteria Oasis
4641 Airport Road, Ste. 2, 780-8544
Design Center, 418 Cerrillos Road, 913-0006

Handmade paletas and other treats with two handy locations downtown and on the Southside? What're you even waiting for, you sonofaparent?!

Pop Fizz (Albuquerque)
530 Bridge Blvd. SW, Albuquerque, 508-1082
We've been known to hang around the National Hispanic Cultural Center in Albuquerque for the dances, lectures and music (this is a true story), but also because Pop Fizz makes these choco-tacos that are so huge, we can't even finish one. They also do other ice cream treats, paletas, a soda shop kinda thing and other fun little surprises. It's worth a trip alone, but so's the NHCC.

What're you into cooooooool treats-wise, though, dear readers? Hit us up so we can try!

We promise we're not trying to turn the vid section into a never-ending string of commercials, but this one was too good to let go. Oh, there's a Baskin Robbins or two here, also, but we're more into the other things we already listed.

Also

-The saga of Santa Fe Bite continues as The Fork has received reputable intel from more than one source who seem to believe the best dang burger the Southwest ever saw (they can use that for a slogan, too, if they want—we don't mind) might very well be opening in the Santa Fe Outlet Mall on the edge of town right next to the Sweet Santa Fe choco shop. We've reached out to owner John Eckre and will update you as soon as humanly possible. Fingers crossed everyone!

-Did you get your tickets for the Cocktails and Culture Fest? It's starting tomorrow (aka Friday May 31 in case you're not reading this the day it came out). Seems some events (like Taco Wars) already sold out, but that doesn't mean there's not still a lot of food and booze to hork 'n' quaff!

-All our friends are like "Jimmy D's, this!" and "Jimmy D's, that!" and "Jimmy D's hit me with a whiffle ball bat!" and we're just like, "Cool, we'll check it out when we get a chance." But just so you know, dear reader, Jimmy D's is open, is apparently good. It's also, interestingly, depending on your definition of the word, housed within the former Santa Fe Bite at the one hotel on Old Santa Fe Trail. Garrett's Super-Fun Zone, we think it's called. Jay kay, it's Garrett's Desert Inn. We knew that.

-Finally in local news, imagine The Fork's shock and chagrin to find the prices at New York Deli (the downtown one, anyway) had gone up substantially. We've been regulars there for quite a long time, and find this disappointing. Of course, businesses are more than free to alter their pricing and model or do whatever they want, but when an omelet goes from roughly $8 to someplace more like $13, we've gotta reevaluate our position. So, with a sigh and a sad piano song playing softly someplace in our mind, we bid the deli adieu as our go-to brekkie/brunch spot.

More Tidbits

-At first we were like, "So what?!" about it, but the more we think about this-here piece from the folks at Food & Wine, the more we think, "Yeah, y'know … our cookie sheets could use a little care." Because it's all about taking your old cookie sheets—the ones caked with cookie detritus and failed baked bits or whatever—and making them like new again.

Like this, but with cookie sheets.

-Meanwhile, misspelling a website's name brought us here, to a site that does way fancy versions of pet treats for the discerning upscale pet treat aficionado. Activate emergency self-contained hyper-immersive ultra-fast pet-enabled treat crisis response unit and sign us up!

-Over at eater.com (one of our favorites), find a fascinating piece on the illegal truffle trade. As you may know from watching things like Conan O'Brien's trip to Italy or whichever episode of Rick Steves found the illustrious traveler/stoner in search of truffles, the fungi are tough to find, quite valuable and prized among chefs and foodies the world over.

-Are you into wedge salads? Well, you're not alone, but the latest entry in the Munchies (which is Vice's food presence) series Actually tells us why we're wrong. Haha! We love pieces that explain why popular things are wack!

-Remember Jason Momoa? He's Aquaman (bummer) and was on that HBO show about dragons called, we think, Arli$$? Anyway, turns out homeboy was too broke to fly home from Ireland after his work on Game of Thrones some years back, so instead, he and one of the show's producers rented a van and spent the off-season traveling through the Emerald Isle in search of a great Guinness. Turns out they're fucking everywhere, but he apparently had a good time. It probably doesn't hurt that everyone we know wants to bang that dude, but whatevs.

-We particularly enjoyed going "Ewww, dang!" at this BuzzFeed picture-piece about foods that are from other countries (and some from the US) and that are also weird. We're not trying to cause spoilers, but yo—that black pudding looks like a black poo.

-You know how at Trader Joe's they sell that "seasoning" that's the stuff from an everything bagel only it's not on a bagel, it's just, like, in a bottle or a bag or something? Well, it turns out their brightest minds figured it was time to merge that stuff with smoked salmon, and thus, this thing was born. Have a good breakfast, we guess?

-We were just trying to defend New Jersey, but it turns out that a company called Aldi had to recall a whole mess of all-purpose flour from there because of what? E-freaking-coli. Yikes. To be fair, it happened in seven additional states, but still … this doesn't help. Our condolences as well to Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Vermont and West Virginia, which shall henceforth all be known as "The E Coli Belt."

USA Today, which is like the People Magazine crossword puzzle in newspaper form, recently named its favorite choco-crafters in all 50 states. New Mexico's? Chokola in Taos.

-Lastly, in worldly food news that's also choco-related, a Holland-based chocolatier wants to use its choco to put an end to slavery which, it turns out, is still a major problem in the world. To that we say, if that hadn't occurred to you, it might be time to change up how you learn about stuff.

Finally

In the print edition of SFR, Target patron Zibby Wilder got religious with tamales and burritos on the Southside of Santa Fe.
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A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence Number of Letters Received
59
*But it seems like a lot of you went on vacation, because the auto-reply situation was outta control!

Most Helpful Tip of the Week (not edited for content)
“You ever eaten nice now or then?
*We’ve been known to eat nice.

Actually Helpful Tip
The folks who’ve heard about Santa Fe Bite stuff
*But we still wanna know more!
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So long, chummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm(p)s,
The Fork