The Spuddin’ Best!

Last week we told you about the things we put green chile on during the too-many-tubs "debacle" that is our lives (we bought tubs, our partner bought tubs; there were too many tubs). This week, we're gonna keep it going with things we like eating, but instead we're going to get into the world of French fries. Do you capitalize the French in French fries? You'd think we'd know that. Whatever. The copy editor will definitely figure it out. [Copy editor's note: Yes, you do. I fixed it for you, Fork.]

At any rate, before we start this awards show, it's important to note that nobody (including us) should be eating French fries as much as we do, and we've made many a late-night promise that tomorrow is gonna finally be the day we cut it out with that shit. We probably won't, but we're still advising moderation—and that thing where you do as we say, not as we do.

Let's get into it the First Annual Fork's Freedom Fries Forever Fiasco!

Best Local Fries Award!
Palacio Café, no question. It's in how they season them, sure, but also in how the little side of mayo goes perfectly with them. We can't explain it, either, because we quite literally hate mayo everywhere else, but it works here. Try them and report back. Cleopatra Café is a close second, especially when dipping their thick-cut fries into their hummus. Ohhhhh, yes.

Best Use of Fries We Didn't Expect And Don't Eat Anymore, But You Should Know About It Award!
If you go over to one of the many Burrito Spot locations around town and order the carne asada fries, your lives will be forever changed. Think of it like nachos—but with fries. Now, we obviously don't get into those anymore because of meat and stuff, but we'd still like it if you ate 'em and sent a detailed email about how it made you feel. Alternatively, you can order any burrito and a side of fries and then stick the fries into the burrito.

Best Not Quite Fries But It's the Same Basic Concept So Let's Not Split Hairs Here Award!
Head your ass to Dr. Field Goods for those Field Good Potatoes any way you can get 'em, but also specifically in the patatas bravas—their take on chile fries. So so solid. And RIP to their food truck, where one could get those potatoes with curds and chile. L'sigh.

Best We Told You About it Before, We Think, But We're Really Trying to Drive the Point Home Award! 
Asking the people at the Burrito Co. to put french fries inside your burrito. Yes, we said that about Burrito Spot a second ago, but at Burrito Co. they'll do the fry-placing for you. And it was good.

Best Bar Menu Fries So Long As You Put Them in Your Mouth at the Same Time as the Main Dish Award!
The bar menu at Bistro 315 is solid and affordable, and the petite New York strip steak with the pommes frites is to die for. Our recommendation is to shovel as much of both of those things into your mouth at the same time as you possibly can.

And these are just the things that are on our radar at any given moment. As always, tell us where we need to go, and note that it's especially dire in the freedom fry arena!

OH! We also had a question about fries from Fork reader Jane, who is curious if any local restaurants do duck fat fries. Anyone know?

If you want your homemade fries to turn out like a restaurant, here's a fantastic and quick primer.

Also

-Hey, oenophiles—we're hearing that Arroyo Vino is hosting a special dinner highlighting Oregon winemakers. It's On Wednesday Jan. 30, and there are so many wines to try. Call 'em to find out more and reserve your spot. It's $125, so probably for a particular kind of wine fan.

-Speaking of wine, if you're a New Mexico bartender who wants to learn more, Albuquerque's World Class Studios presides over an upcoming series of classes "that push boundaries, educate and inspire bartenders around the globe." Learn more on this-here Facebook page.

-Yo, did you all know about Danielle's Donuts? The biz is the brainchild of former Santa Fe University of Art and Design student Danielle Vondrak (which is a cool name that probably vampires have), and she's all about them vegan donuts. "But Fork," you're probably whining with your be-churroed face twisted into a frown. "I like my donuts meaty!" First of all, no one ever said that. Second, donuts are donuts, friends. At least try 'em out? SFR's frenemies at Pasatiempo have the scoop, which makes us sort of pumped because but also furious because they beat us to it.

-No doubt you've been hearing about a potential change to how service industry workers might get paid in New Mexico in the future. It's a complicated issue to be sure, but the simple version is that we're hearing about proposed legislation that might mean a higher minimum wage and, possibly, no more tips. There's certainly a lot of ways to look at this, but the main one seems to be that servers, at least the ones we informally polled in Santa Fe, don't want this change. There's even a grassroots organization dedicated to stopping this stuff from going down.

-Did you catch the online version of our 3 Questions section in this week's issue of SFR with Roswell, New Mexico star Michael Vlamis? If not, you should check it out—homeboy runs down some of his favorite SF restaurants from when he was filming here.

More Tidbits

-We're from Santa Fe, so we're pretty sure we know what's up with good guacamole, but delish.com writer Lena Abraham has what she's calling both an "easy" and "the ultimate" guacamole recipe. We'll give it a try, but, like, just let's all be cool til then.

-Good news, white people—there's a cinnamon shortbread latte at Starbuck's now. Rejoice, ya buncha jabronis. Know what The Fork likes? Coffee. In a cup. Maybe a splash of cream because otherwise our tummy gets upset. Jeeze. We also hear Starbuck's will partner with Uber Eats to deliver coffee and those disgusting little cake pops right to your door.

-Good news for douchebags, too, as Monster Energy's new drink, stupidly called Reign (presumably to make its consumers feel like they're royalty or some dumb shit like that), is slated for a release this March. With flavor names like Razzle Berry (not a real thing) and Carnival Candy (What? WHY?!), it's bound to be one of the worst things ever. Hyperbolic? Maybe, but still…

-Meanwhile, in Paris—and we don't mean Texas—hot-as-fire eatery Mokonuts is apparently impossible to get into, according to The New York Times. Cool. We like how there are expensive restaurants in places we can't afford to get to that are absurdly trendy. It makes us feel great about suggesting everyone stuff freedom fries into a $2 burrito.

-If you missed our review of the new Hulu documentary about 2017's ill-fated douche-festival Fyre Fest, Fyre Fraud, you should check it out. Then feel a little better that at least one vendor screwed over by Billy McFarland is recouping some of its lost costs through gofundme.com, America's largest healthcare funds provider.

-NPR reports that government food assistance payments were sent out early just before the shutdown kicked off a hundred years ago, and that while that's all well and good, it's estimated that they'll have to last until March. This is shameful.

-And speaking of the shutdown, Food Safety News is reporting that the FDA's food investigations are "running at less than 50 percent of normal." We don't think you should panic or anything, but maybe be wary of things like lettuce? We're not scientists. Just … be careful.

This is pretty glorious. Absurd, for sure, but glorious.

Finally

In the print edition of SFR, our beloved Zibby Wilder went looking for answers to her burning tea questions, and she found them big time.
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A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence Number of Letters Receieved
38
*With suggestions galore!Most Helpful Tip of the Week 
“How could you?”
*We just could, OK?Actually Helpful Tip
Trader Joe’s apparently has a frozen mac and cheese with green chile already all up in there.
*NOTED!!!!!
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Cool hanging with y’all,
The Fork