Get You a Good-Ass Bagel!

Oh sure, we've probably mentioned it before, and maybe you don't care that we specifically took a bagel-making class last year with a guy who is literally nicknamed Bagel Bob to try and make up for the crummy bagel options around here, but our ship has come in, so to speak, and its name is Boultawn's Bakery and Café.

Mayhap you recall when SFR's Best of Santa Fe 2018 issue trumpeted the good bagel news from the rooftops, or maybe we've just mentioned it here before (we mention A LOT of things, so we can't always remember what we're getting into), but you need to know and you need to have these bagels. NEED. YOU NEED. TO. HAVE. THESE BAGELS. Trust us. Go there. Try the bagels. Do it. Do it soon.

Report back, and tell them we sent you.

We balk at the idea of “perfect,” but if you can’t find a bagel that works for you, you’ve got to do it yourself.

Bagel Facts!

We hear tell that the most ferocious bagel rivalry on the planet is between New York City and Montreal (which is in Canada). Setting aside how Canada does everything better, from DeGrassi to healthcare to cannabis, we're gonna have to go with NYC. But what's the difference? NYC uses the boiling method—and many an expatriate can tell you the water in the city is what makes them so irreplaceable—while Montreal goes denser and has, like, honey and stuff in their bagels. We'd eat 'em both, to be honest, but now you know.

It's the only bread you boil before baking.

ETYMOLOGY ALERT: The term bagel comes from the German "bougel," which means bracelet. In other words, it better be round, sucker.

We also hear tell that the first recorded mention of bagels comes from 1600s Poland where it was somehow decided they were a good gift for people who'd just given birth. Word.

There's a bagel joint in North Carolina that served Buzzed Bagel, a type with the same amount of caffeine as a cup of coffee. Why? No one knows, but it seems weird to us. We like coffee just fine.

Also

-The 2018 Fall Fiesta at the Santa Fe Farmers' Market Pavilion (it's going down on Saturday Oct. 6) is on the lookout for volunteers for the event. It includes picking up art and food and transporting it, and they rely on such generously donated time. If this sounds cool to you, click here to check it out.

-That locally built and inspired app, Fetch—which is like Uber but when you want someone to bring you food or liquid or maybe even gases because you can't get it together to put pants on—is fully available to download. Take THAT, leaving the house!

-Coming to us from dedicated fork reader Bridgett, we hear that J&N Thai Bistro has vacated the premises near DeVargas Center that once housed 5 Star Burger. According to Bridgett, there's a note on the door which says something to the effect of a new place a-comin' called Seafood Broil (or maybe Boil). We're looking into it, but there you go.

-We're hearing about huge changes to the decor of The Draft Station with artists Reyes Padilla and Spencer Olsen going to town on a new large-scale art piece in the downtown taproom. We've loved Padilla since we first heard of him in March of last year.

-File this under it's happening next year, but we've just gotten word that the International Association of Culinary Professionals is coming to Santa Fe for its next conference from May 17-19, and they're looking for programming proposals. Have an idea? Find out more here.

More Tidbits

-National Coffee Day is Saturday Sept. 29, so let's all drink coffee until we can see through time! In reality, though, we're hearing about tons of freebies and give aways all kinds of places … no word on what Santa Fe shops are doing, but it's generally a good idea to not show up places expecting free stuff. Be nice.

-We don't remember if we talked about pickle pizza already—maybe it was mustard pizza? Either way, this unholy abomination exists, and it's a real bummer. We like a pickle as much as the next Fork, but its inclusion in places like chips and drinks and pizzas kinda bums us out. What do you think?

-Turns out American-style cuisine and diets is making the whole world fat. We already kind of knew that, but instead of being a jerk about people's weight, read this instead. Be warned, it might make you emotional.

-This Bustle piece is from last year, but no less enjoyable a read—it's about weird foods you won't believe people eat in places. We're talking food like canned tarantulas and rattlesnakes or a cereal that's just the marshmallows from marshmallow cereal. We never liked the texture of those things … by which we mean the tarantulas.

-McDonald's workers across America are embracing protest amid the #MeToo movement, and we fully support that. We also support fast food workers being paid enough to fucking live.

-Sorry, East Coasters and people named Duncan, but it sounds like Dunkin' Donuts is officially dropping the "donut" part of its moniker for the sleeker business name Dunkin'. This might not mean much here in New Mexico, where we're really more about chile than donuts, but according to an SFR staffer who hails from New Jersey, this is some pretty heavy shit.

-We also found some pretty nifty scrambled eggs recipes over at popsugar.com. Each one has one weird ingredient you wouldn't expect, which is fun or something. Side note: The Fork once dated a woman who scoffed at how we put a splash of half-and-half in our scrambled eggs mix. We like them fluffy, though, so she can go to hell.

-Lastly, we came across another fun piece from last year from HuffPo about food things only New Mexican people understand. Now, we won't discriminate against non-New Mexicans, but we will say everything they know and think and do about food is wrong, and that if Colorado thinks they're even close to a chile coup, they're gravely mistaken. You don't see us like, "New Mexico ALSO has shitty, tall mountains that people can walk up!" Oh, wait … we DO do that? Whatevs. Our chile is still better.

Seriously, though—don’t forget our contest!

You're running out of time to enter our Food Foto Contest. Andale with that, friends! If your'e looking to possibly just maybe win $200 worth of prizes from our food and drink partners, click right here and submit your best shots.

Q: But, The Fork! Isn't this the exact same text box as last week?
A: What's it to you? Just enter the contest. Jeeze.
Q: But seriously, you're still just pushing out the same text box?
A: You bet your ass we are!

Finally

More GMO thoughts roll in from readers all the time, this week in the form of how many GMO crops get doused in harmful pesticides. We're realizing we may have wandered into the intellectual deep end here, so let's all just be calm and one of these days we'll maybe get into the GMO thing for real in the newsletter. In the meantime, keep your links coming—we like learning!

A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork's Correspondence

Number of Letters Receieved
28
*And so many of them friendly!

Most Helpful Tip of the Week (edited slightly for length)
“Check this out…”
*As always, context would have helped.

Actually Helpful Tip (only slightly edited for content)
This super-cool link to crazy-complicated pumpkin carvings!
*Ours just looks like a skull and … actually, we’re lying. We don’t have a pumpkin yet.

Find in the pages of SFR this week some super-good info about a new Mediterranean-inspired food truck called YummyTown. We're not in love with the name, but the food sure is good.

May thy tines never bend or rust,
The Fork