Over at The Fork’s house, we’ve been playing around with a new little piece of tech—a laptop, if you must know—and that means we’ve been Googling things like “must-have apps” and “apps that come with food information because writing this newsletter is sometimes really hard and sometimes The Fork gets tired and can’t be out there all night all willy-nilly getting it together with interesting and exciting food topics.”
We know ... this is lazy; like a comic strip about how the comic strip creator doesn't know what to make a comic strip about. But we're in it now, so go with us.
One of the things we found that you don't have to send us "I already knew about that" emails over is this thing called Flipboard. Do you know it? You do? Welcome to Old News Town, population: The Fork? OK, sure, but it's been a handy way for us to check out all kinds of interesting food information.
For example: Did you know Tucker Carlson from Fox News claimed that tacos are an American food, even going so far as to lecture a guest about food appropriation? Yikes. Luckily, the folks at HuffPo put together a neat little history on everybody's favorite Tuesday food.
We also learned that our neighbors in Texas (many of whom visited our fair city during Indian Market last weekend) might just be sitting on the best burger chain in the country. It's called P Terry's and we hear it rules.
But ruh-roh—we also found out elsewhere that such diets can cut down the number of years you have living. Bad news if you were planning on becoming a walking corpse who looks like the Crypt Keeper later on. Our advice? Life is short, people are gonna die, eat what makes you happy. Or don’t. Like, live your life is what we’re saying. We’re also saying that Flipboard is pretty cool, but don’t let it replace The Fork in your hearts and minds.
-We hear Modern General, that Etsy shop come to life where you can grab an upscale coffee while you’re shopping for a shovel, has plans to open an Albuquerque location come Aug. 27. Good news for granola and breakfast fans, better news for shovel fans.
-Have we already discussed Caveman Coffee's nitro cold brew? Whether we have or not, you should be aware of it if you like your coffee like you like your extreme sports—cold. What? We don't know, let's move on ... all the way on to this link where you can find some for yourself.
-File this one under "Dang, The Fork—that's expensive!", but we're here to tell you that Sunrise Springs (that spa outside town where they do ... spa stuff and have the Blue Heron Restaurant and everything) has this BONKERS cleanse that's supposed to help, like, reset you gut and stuff. Follow the link to learn more.
-And while we're in the local section here, allow us to reach out to Fork reader Jim C, a vegan and DEDICATED reader who REALLY wants everyone else to be vegan and whose aggressive "Guess what, Fork?" emails are making us sad—We're doing our best, Jim. We're really glad you like your lifestyle and being vegan, but your cause is hurt when you're mean and relentless about it. If anything, with every email and post you send, we're 10 percent more likely to go back to meat. We look forward to any recipes or whatever else you'd like to share, but be gentle with us because, as you probably know, it ain't easy giving up a lifetime's worth of food-related conditioning and baby steps are better than no steps at all.
-In happier news, we've been hitting up Trader Joe's lately for pizza dough (pizzas that we make with cheese), and for just a couple bucks and a little bit of elbow grease (on the part of The Fork's partner who won't let us touch the oven anymore), you can have fancy pizzas at home. Just ask an employee when you go in. Do it like, "Yo. Where's all the dough at?"
-And finally, in the local's corner, allow us to suggest a project for all y'all readers—tell us your favorite ways to eat organic locally, from shopping and dining out to ... are there actually other things? Farming? Appetizers? The point is this: A large contingent of our readers are craving vegan, and we're going to get together to help each other out. The first suggestion comes to us from Fork reader E who says they love Dolina for its broth and otherwise large selection of food. We like it there, too, E!
Unveiling The Fork
It might not surprise you to learn that a lot of people ask who The Fork really is. SFR staff is approached in the streets day and night, threatening emails arrive, locals have hired sky writers in attempts to find those who might know and the townsfolk have launched the kind of investigations wherein colored strings connect evidence to photos of suspects and the like.
And we hear you, because not knowing is almost worse than knowing. Oscar Wilde said that.
And we're going to include a link to a photo of The Fork in just a sec, but before you get there and click, we'd like to ask you a simple question: Do you really want to know?
Do you want to spoil the fun? We point to the seminal Pete and Pete episode "What We Did On Our Summer Vacation," wherein younger Pete wishes to know the true identity of the mysterious ice cream man Mr. Swirly. Without diving too deep into what made that show utterly brilliant, the payoff in the end is that not even those who apparently know Mr. Swirly (including cameos from Michael Stipe and the B52's Kate Pierson) seem to want Pete to know, leaving us to believe that sometimes a mystery is better left unanswered. If you haven't seen it, try to find it (the whole show is fantastic), but in the meantime, if you really MUST see The Fork for yourself, click here.
Also, we know Oscar Wilde didn’t say that thing from before, so cool your jets with whatever “Actually, Fork” emails you were gearing up for.
-In what-is-The-Fork's-partner-watching-on-Netflix news, Ugly Delicious with celeb chef David Chang is pretty good stuff. We learned that Houston, Texas, might just be the most exciting food town in America right now. Who knew?
-We also hear that Sacha Baron Cohen (who was in Les Misérables, by the way) has done it again, this time by tricking an apparently notable food critic into eating what he believes is human meat on the Showtime program Who is America?. Jesus. It's pretty insane what people will do, right?
-For a little bit of food history, find an interesting article from Smithsonian.com about how an early-1900's botulism outbreak influenced how safe food comes our way to this day. We won't wax on canned food's obvious downsides here. Instead, we'll tell you about how our mom totally gave us canned pears from time to time and we turned out fine. But for real, you should probably just get fresh food if you can, which we say knowing there are more than plenty food droughts in America.
-Lastly today, Reader's Digest counts down the most unpopular fast food joints in the country. Topping the list are A&W and Quiznos Subs—despite those hip Quiznos commercials from some years back (here's one that has a bunch of apparently Santa Fe-themed sammies that made us go "Ugh.") and our friend Dan who really loves Quizno's for some reason.
A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork's Correspondence
Number of Letters Receieved
37 *That must be a record!
Most Helpful Tip of the Week (not edited for content) “Shut ...” *And then it just cut off.
Did you like our portrait?