The Fork

We assume you'll probably be grilling and running around with sparklers and stuff, so here are a few handy links to make your Fourth go swimmingly without resorting to xenophobia and name-calling:

Where to get a grill
Right here.

Where to get the best meats to grill 
Right here.

Where to find recipes for grilling for your dumb veggie friends like The Fork 
Right here.

Where to get fireworks
Don't.

Where to get an idea of the reason you're grilling and sparkling
Right here.

Where to see a song from the 1972 William Daniels (Boy Meets World) musical 1776:

Kitchen Nightmares!

Dedicated Fork readers will surely be aware that we've been obsessing over the Gordon Ramsay-led television program Kitchen Nightmares lately. Yes, we know it's old, but with his new show 24 Hours to Hell and Back (it's pretty much Kitchen Nightmares but in a 24-hour period), we've been thinking a lot about how restaurants can be pretty gross. So we reached out to some friends in the biz to hear about some of the nightmares they've maybe lived through. We'll warn you right now that some of these things are kind of gross, but we figure that if Ramsay—a handsome bazillionaire with an accent—can do it, so can we. Obviously we're not listing the actual places to avoid being the cause of people getting in trouble. Just be careful and aware out there.

"It really didn't affect anything, I swear, but there was a cat who lived in the kitchen of a place I used to work. People fed him scraps all day and he was pretty fat, but I never once saw a mouse or rat, so he was doing his job."

"It wasn't a place where I worked, but a city health inspector once told me that a certain local restaurant had been cited because they had this bucket under a sink behind the counter that would catch leaking sink water … and that was also used to defrost meat."

"I won't name him, but a line chef at my work is famous for not washing his hands. I think it's gross, but the guys in the kitchen think it's hilarious. I won't eat there."

"It doesn't seem to bother the cooks at my work when something falls on the floor—they just pop it back into the pan or onto the plate. I once called them on it and they were furious with me. I even brought it up to the owners who basically told me they didn't believe it. So gross."

"I can't honestly tell you the last time we actually refrigerated things like ketchup or cream for coffee in those little tubs. I wish I could care more, but a job's a job."

"Almost everything we serve is bought frozen from those bulk stores and the microwave is in use so much more often than you'd think. Almost always, actually. The markup we charge is ridiculous."
*Author's Note: Ramsay HATES it when people do this.*

But what do we do about it, Forkefeans? How do we know what's what? I mean, you could ask a server about what kind of food is being served, or you can just learn to accept it. The Fork worked in our fair share of restaurants, and a lot of them are pretty gross. Sorry. Just stay vigilant and ask questions and understand that just because a place opened doesn't mean it meets the highest possible health standards. Guh.

Also

-Speaking of kitchen nightmares, it turns out there's a cool class you can take from the New Mexico Restaurant Association that'll help you bone up on current regulations and stay ahead of the game. Interested parties can register here.

–Rio Chama Steakhouse is doing this Saturday-Sunday brunch thing with $6 mimosas and $2 oysters. Don't say we never did anything for you. And yeah, we know about double-negatives.

-Santa Fe Farmers Market's El Mercado del Sur (that's the Southside one) kicks off on Tuesday July 3 and runs through Sept. 25. We hear there will be live music, free samples and cooking demos, free health screenings and more. Into it.

-Did you hear the fine folks from Ohori's Coffee have re-taken the space that was, until recently, Capitol Coffee? Remember when Ohori's was all up in there years ago? You know, right there on Paseo de Peralta and Old Santa Fe Trail? You know the one we mean? DO YOU? We're into it, too, because that's on our way to work, has some of the best local coffee around and, perhaps most importantly, is one of the more affordably by-the-cup shops in town.

-If you have your cannabis card, check out SFR's food coverage this week. Our intrepid food writer breaks down the best local edible snacks and treats. She tried so many, in fact, that we had to be like, "Are you gonna be OK?" (She said she would, in fact, be OK.)

-Perhaps you saw that food website eater.com did a neat video on Santa Fe's own Paper Dosa? South Indian food is where it's at, friends, so if you haven't gone, check the vid.

More Tidbits

Speaking of Bourdain and Ramsay, here's an adorable video of the time a young Bourdain visited a young Ramsay's restaurant in London. Note how cute they both look and how awesome they both are.

Finally