The Fork's partner got one of those millionaire air conditioners for our home. It's the kind that you can move into different rooms if you want. And even though it's loud and you have to sit pretty close to it, it's a godsend because, and we know you know this, it's too damn hot right now. Look, The Fork has lived other places, and we get that it's hotter elsewhere and blah blah blah, but we work hard, dammit, and if we want to be comfortable in our own home, that's what we're gonna do.

But of course, it is never never never enough, and we've been rounding out our cool-down regimen with popsicles. Popsicles? Yeah, popsicles. See, they taste good and they feel good to eat when it's hot. And we know it's a simple thing and you're probably like, "Why popsicles?" Well, to that we would say, get some into your life and then deride. We doubt you will, though. Here are some of our favorites.

We've maybe mentioned them before, but the Trader Joe's 4 Fruit Frenzy Bars are outta this world. Raspberry, lemon and stawberry? What genius popsicle engineer thought up that delightful order of fruit juice fanciness? They are, in a word, perfect.

No judgement here, but have you tried Otter Pops of late? Setting aside their fantastic and well-crafted joke names (like freaking Alexander the Grape), they're easy to find and easy to have about a bazillion on hand. We don't even care if it's probably Kool-Aid repurposed into otter-shaped frozen treats. We want 'em. Side note—otters are cute as hell.

So you're a bit of a do-it-yourself-er? No problem. This handy 2014 piece from brit.co has 21 (yeah, 21) recipes for awesome popsicles. We say recipe like it's harder than just freezing fruit and juice and fruit juice, but we're onboard with pretty much all of them. Also, the Santa Fe Botanical Garden has a make-your-own-popsicle-with-plant-tastes workshop on Sunday June 10 for $15. Do with that information what you will.

So you're a bit of a don't-wanna-do-it-yourself-er? No problem. Hit Southside Santa Fe for Paleteria Oasis, a glorious frozen treat stop that handmakes its popsicles and, we hear, might just show up in the Design Center downtown soon.

To answer your next question, yes—there are alcoholic popsicles. Here's a big fat list with some of those. Just go easy, you guys. Or don't, actually. We're not your mom.

Finally, if you're a garbage person with more money than sense, Marquis Los Cabos Resort in Los Cabos, Mexico, has this ridiculous popsicle with gold and stuff in it. We know that the article about this $1,000 popsicle is kind of old, but we're clinging to hope it still exists because it makes us mad in a way we actually kind of like. If you know anything about this pop, drop us a line.

Also 

-We wanna bring up this weekend's Cocktails and Culture Festival one more time, because it's our food coverage this week, but also because we hear some things are on track to sell out. Its founder Natalie Bovis tells The Fork that there might just be tickets at the door to certain events, but you'll have to get down there quick.

-And while we're talkin' festivals, do you know about the Santa Fe Vegan BBQ Battle on Saturday June 16? It's just what it sounds like, only with awesome chefs duking it out for vegan BBQ supremacy, but also probably way healthier than your run of the mill Q. Now, for newbies to the world of eating meat-free, this is the kind of thing to get on like woah. And for those of you who would scoff at vegans and the like, just save it. The thing is only $15, and free for kids 3 and under.

-We'd also like to mention the upcoming New Mexico Fermentation Festival, a veritable smorgasbord of life lessons in how to ferment stuff going down on Saturday June 23. Like pickles? You'll probably like this. Like doomsday prepping? You'll probably like this. Like satisfying jars full of things? You get the idea. Find more info here. We'll remind you again.

-If you're not on the Caveman Coffee Co. mailing list, you're missing out on some great deals, such as the current $5 off cold brew concentrate deal. Visit the site here, make it happen.

-Word on the street is that Rowley Farmhouse Ales, that purveyor of delicious one-of-a-kind sour beers, now serves the meat-free Impossible Burger. Another reason to visit if you haven't already. And if you have one of those weird full o' animosity reactions to vegans, they do a killer friend chicken, too.

More Tidbits

-In the "God, why?!" file, we've discovered that bacon toothpaste exists. We won't sugarcoat it, Forkefeans—if you're excited by this, you're probably gross.

-Meanwhile, as an addendum to that time we talked about road trip food, the New York Times' Kim Severson has a pretty great list of 10 gas station snacks that aren't super-gross.

-Do you remember Chef José Andrés, the guy who was feeding displaced and affected people in Puerto Rico post-hurricane and subsequently won that James Beard humanitarian award? Welp, he’s back, this time feeding people in Hawaii affected by the recent volcanic activity. What a guy!

-Elsewhere, food52.com has ideas for making a veggie burger that won’t crumble apart. You might not know this, but that’s actually kinda hard to do.

-You ever make your own parfait? Well, People Magazine has, and it goes a little something like this. If you like crosswords but hate challenging things, they’ve got you covered there, too.

-We stumbled upon an interesting end-of-2017 read from food24.com that predicted a bevy of weird food trends for 2018. Any of these things wind up in your life? Maybe we should do a BINGO kind of thing. Or maybe we should just read it and go “OK.”

-Livescience.com has a pretty sweet page worth bookmarking wherein the worlds of food and science intersect. Nevermind that thing about the prehistoric whale who would’ve eaten you good or that burger with a freaking tarantula (why?!?!?!?!) on top—give it a click.

-And finally, speaking of spiders and eating, it turns out that if they felt like it, spiders could theoretically eat all humans on Earth. Have fun knowing that. Like, you can never un-know that now. Yeah, we’ve got the chills something fierce, especially since there’s at least one spider we know of in our home as we speak. We’re pretty sure he whispered our name the other night, too. Why oh why did we read this story?!

Finally

We’re a little disappointed to have not heard more horror stories from service industry folk, but we’re here if you have some. We def heard from a Trader Joe’s employee who recalls the time a guy came into the store, picked up an entire platter of cheese samples, and just started going to town on those bad boys. Holy moly.

A TOTALLY SCIENTIFIC BREAKDOWN OF THIS WEEK’S LETTERS
Number of letters received

25Number of those we cared about
Eh, like 5

Most helpful tip of the week (not edited for content)
“I thought you were a girl!”

Actually helpful tip of the week (not edited for content)
“Man, grill your Corn. Peel the husk, bast with Olive Oil, sprinkle with Salt, grill all sides, serve hot. OMG!!!  Grill your Pineapple. It’s like eating grilled candy. (Drooling just thinking about it)”


Today is officially your last day to vote for Best of Santa Fe. Visit this page to get that done. And if you don’t, don’t start writing The Fork about how your favorite place didn’t win. Insert your own feelings about democracy here.

Don’t forget, either, about our new monthly cannabis newsletter, Leaf Brief. Find it on the site, or visit this link to sign up and have it delivered to your inbox for free just like you get The Fork.

We’ll just be forkin’ on down the road,
The Fork