Sticky. Minty. Green. All covered in a smattering of dusty micro-crystals, viscous resin dew droplets and wild purple-red hairs. Anyone? From Maine to Alaska, the goofy nugs have been legalized for recreation in seven great states and for medicinal purposes in 28 others (also DC). Basically that means the fluffernutters and Funyuns are out of stock at your local Allsup’s; plus, if you are suffering from anorexia, glaucoma or side effects of chemotherapy, it’s a godsend in a precious green package. Yeah, the stuff of grass parties and cottonmouth is absolutely one of the biggest trends we have going for 2017 in fashion. Who knew?

Parisian designer Olympia Le-Tan—whose whimsical takes on everything I have always enjoyed—knew. Her Spring/Summer 2017 collection is a veritable weedy wonderland with obvious nods to Milton Glaser illustrations, delightful and decadent, a heady mix of juicy-red lips sucking down sweet leaf-stuffed joints that puff out a big bright rainbow. Voila! The line is very 1970s with a smidgen of recent Prada, but mostly good, original, obscene fun.

Sequined rainbow joint dress by Olympia Le-Tan; “Slice of Heaven” python clutch by Gelareh Mizrahi; sterling silver weed grinder pendant by Vetements.
Sequined rainbow joint dress by Olympia Le-Tan; “Slice of Heaven” python clutch by Gelareh Mizrahi; sterling silver weed grinder pendant by Vetements. | Amy Davis

Alexander Wang has been loading the vaporizer up with a few full-on Rasta pasta collections for a couple years now, and his latest can be snapped up at Saks Fifth Avenue. His 2017 bag, a Rockie leather mini leaf print duffle ($650!), has black and white pot leaves strewn all over. For Autumn/Winter 2016 he included fuzzy miniskirts and fluffy jackets with reefer frond intarsias. Mr. Wang is enjoying a very lucrative stoney high.

French designer Lucien Pellat Finet has been embellishing delicious cashmere sweaters with devil weed for decades. His creations are a gorgeous nod to the nugs without looking like you just came back from a Phish fest. From shimmery Jordan almond-colored sequins to kitten-soft knitted cashmere sweaters, slouchy tanks and his very famous skull and marijuana leaf scarves a la Alexander McQueen circa 2005, the ubiquitous semi-legal plant life floats up to smooch you in primary hues and pot-pizzazz, and I have always respected a designer who can subvert a tacky image into something grand.

Even back in 2009 the late great Sonia Rykiel had marijuana motifs proudly dancing down her runways. Bonus: They were pretty! Chic, even.

In November 2017 designer Jacquie Aiche unveiled her absolutely stunning "Sweet Leaf" pave diamond ear jackets (think of an earring on acid wrapping and poking out and up your entire ear) selling for $2,690 a puff—I mean pop! Aiche, the Los Angeles designer to the rock stars, also has a snakeskin weed leaf-emblazoned jacket and clutch.

Parsons graduate and young enfant terrible Gelareh Mizrahi has a very luxe line entitled The Stoned Collection. She serves up ganga-dipped pins ranging from French fries, pouty lips, pizza slices, brain-on-drugs (yeah folks, a fried egg), smiley faces, bloodshot eyes and straight-up pot leaves. As well as matching python skin clutches! The bags are insane; brash and bitchin'.

Streetwear line Unif has a "Weed Be Good Together" semi-distressed tunic that is very Urban Outfitters, but still worthy of lounging, though I prefer their Li'l Wayne-inspired "Pussy Money Weed" tee with two joints and a weirdo floating cat head made out of thick smoke with a pot leaf for a third eye.

There is even a line inspired by the NYC late '80s marijuana delivery system. Remember Dial-A-Joint? New York-based twin brothers Shimon and Ariel Ovadia of Ovadia & Sons have a Spring/Summer 2017 menswear collection chock-full of destroyed crewnecks and varsity jackets, all with embroidered cannabis leaf patches. And it works.

Emily Blunt (HAHAHA get it?) working the red carpet in a Jason Wu gown with a very minty embellishment of suspicious foliage? Even A-listers have a need for weed.

Paris provacateurs Vetements is now serving you piping-hot weed grinder pendants in silver and gold. The silver will run you $750. And now that your wacky tabbacky is crushed and rolled up tight, grab an art deco-inspired roach clip by Portland-based designer Erin Rose Gardner. Entitled High Society, the collection is encrusted with various gemstones and hand-made with a hammer and anvil for under $100.

Del Toro Prince Albert bubblegum-pink velvet slipper loafers with a glowing greenie-green cannabis leaf plopped on the toe and for $340? How will you afford to smoke?!

And lastly, superstar designer to all the Hollywood stoney baloney kids (hiya, Miley!), Jeremy Scott, redid the Adidas logo as a pot leaf for his sweatshirts way back in the prohibition era of 2012, and the result is graphic brilliance.

But what about hemp, you ask? Well, the big wigs have been playing with hemp for a few seasons. Ralph Lauren, Stella McCartney, YSL and even kicks kids Vans have all been working with this very cool fabric. Most hemp is imported into the good ol' USA (even though George "I chopped down the cherry tree" Washington also grew it). Locavores, we do have you covered too. Santa Fe Hemp (105 E Water St., 984-2599) has tees, socks, pants and accessories for the mellow folks, and carries pieces from Albuquerque's Hemp Elegance. Couture? Quite. Pashmina-esque and classy mama, this is the higher end of hemp and there's no need for pesticides or GMOs with this crop. I mean, fashion and weed? It's sort of a no-brainer.

Dreams dissolve. Motivation fizzles. Paranoia bubbles and life keeps chugging by. You need it to sleep and cough up black stuff and wonder ... Is this OK? Or maybe you don't. You rock your art/music style and awesome culinary creations to a higher level, and only you know your weedy little truth. Heck, a Lucien Pellat Finet sweater will never give you the munchies and it'll keep your fans guessing. That's what life's about.