How To _________ Like a Human Being

Visit the Library

A funny thing happened while I was at the LaFarge Branch of the Santa Fe Public Library recently—the people inside were practically screaming at each other across the room. "In the end, did you ever read Game of Thrones?!" one faceless voice shrieked. "No!" shouted the other, "I watch the show, though."

This felt … wrong. I'm aware I don't run the library, I'm aware that the times they have been a-changing, but it still seemed to me like that those most free of all book depositories ought to remain a bastion of satisfying whispers and politeness; the words and pages deign it!

So, rather than opting to fly off the handle, I reached out to some sources who work for the libraries. They'll remain anonymous (as always in this column), but they sure are helpful.

You get shushed; never do the shushing
This one pretty much shuts me up right away, but you probably never stopped to think that the librarians working hard to help people track down whatever tome are sometimes helping hard-of-hearing patrons. What about a bad phone connection? What about someone who's just plain super-excited over books? It's been an unspoken rule of society that the people who are working places have every right to do what they must to complete their tasks—don't you dare shush the librarian; the librarian shushes you!

Stick to the bathrooms
Can't even believe this needs to be said, but don't pee on the furniture at the library. Apparently this happens enough that it's a real issue. Yikes. Even worse? One source said that they "won't even tell you the poop stories."

You don't own the library
If you're one of those semantic types who uses "But my tax dollars!" as your excuse to act like you have some sort of power in a space like the library, you might wanna skip this one. But here's the cold, hard truth: You don't own the library. Keep this in mind if you think of approaching staff to ask they remove someone from the premises. If no rules are broken, it's a space for all. And if you're asking a librarian to kick someone out because they're homeless and maybe don't have access to the same level of resources or hygienic products as those with homes, then that really says a lot more about you as a person, huh? Libraries are one of the great societal levelers—a warm location with the vastness of human knowledge available to all for free. If you can't hang with others while taking part in that, maybe Amazon is more your speed, jerk.

The librarian is not your secretary
The way we hear it, some library patrons will approach the front desk, hand a list to a staffer and then say something like "Please handle these things while I peruse your book selection." Further, we're told these lists sometimes contain questions about legal advice, about how phones work or how to apply for jobs and apartments. Again, the library is a wonderful and free resource, but the reference desk is not exactly a one-stop-shop for any question you might have about anything. That's what Google is for. If you have book questions, however…

Don't shit on the librarian's skillz (yes, with a Z)
Our sources tell us that patrons are often personally offended when the library doesn't have whatever thing popped into their heads. Ditto for equipment or programs these patrons find lacking. Do they chalk this up to this being Santa Fe, where everything is a few years behind the times? Do they maybe stop to think that libraries are ultimately low on the funding list? Apparently not! Instead, we're told, these people will take this to mean the librarians are skill-less idiots who don't deserve to work there. These people are doing what they can with what they have and, in most cases, they're working with very little. Be nice to them, especially when searching for assistance.

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