Q: How do you get guys excited about playing with their own anus?
This is an
excellent question that I heard in the store from woman the other day. Thank you for asking! The most important thing to remember
is that you can only do so much for someone else’s sexual exploration. If your
partner is dead set against receiving anal play, then that is his choice and
you have to respect it. Your other option is to find a partner who is into anal
play, if it’s really important for you. If your partner is hesitant or against
receiving anal play, but is willing to get more information, that’s a great
place to start. For example, you could get him a copy of the Ultimate Guide to Prostate
Pleasureas a gift and read through it
together or separately. That way your partner can read about other peoples’
experiences with prostate play and decide for himself if it’s something he
wants to try. It’s important that you don’t pressure him into it.
At Self Serve, one of the most common reasons I hear for this is that a hetero man will magically become gay as soon as something is on or in his ass. This idea is illogical and homophobic. Gay men also like blowjobs, but I don’t see many hetero men giving up on blowjobs in fear of seeming gay! Stimulating a body part has nothing to do with sexual orientation. And men have an added bonus if they do anal play, because that is one of the easiest ways to do prostate stimulation. Touching the prostate directly or indirectly feels good and people enjoy things that feel good. Women have prostates too, the gspot, but a man’s prostate is a little further back in his body and can be stimulated through anal penetration or perineum massage.
Co-authors of, the Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, Aislinn Emirzian and Charlie Glickman, interviewed about 200 people for their book and found that many men reported having a different type of orgasm through prostate stimulation than through penile stimulation alone. Many describe that orgasm as a full-body experience, as opposed to all the pleasure during sex being focused in the penis.
I frequently hear feedback from partners of men who do receive anal penetration and they often say their partners are more aware lovers after switching roles around penetration. They know to go slow, use lube and the importance of warm up. Since many hetero men have probably never experienced being penetrated by someone else, they can sometimes rush through the really crucial steps that make a person’s body ready for penetration.
If he does decide he wants to do some anal exploration, there are lots of amazing toys you can use together to try prostate stimulation. One of our favorites at Self Serve is the Helix Syn by Aneros. It’s popular because it’s designed to be worn during other types of fun sexy activities like vaginal sex, oral sex, manual sex etc. Aneros is really great at building products that are ergonomic with the human body because they were originally designed as medical devices.
So the moral of the story is that only he can decide to be excited about someone or himself playing with his ass. But you can give him information on what other people with prostates say about it and see what he thinks. Good luck!
Hunter Riley is a Santa Fe native living and working in Albuquerque. She is the store manager of Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center.
Sex Ed is also online on the Santa Fe Reporter’s blog. Have sex questions? I’ll answer them! Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.