August 15, 2013
Dear Ms. Gonzalez,
The school email robots told my mom to force me to read a book over the summer and send you a report on it before school started. I can’t say I loved this idea for a whole bunch of reasons. First of all, you don’t know my mom. Once you give her something to worry about, she gets all cray with it and literally reminds the person which in this case is me every single minute of every day until you want to drink something toxic like the crap they pour down drains to unclog all the crap that gets stuck in there. Pubes and phlegm and whatever else. So it’s like that.
I thought summer was about relaxing. We hardly get a summer anymore. We end in the middle of June and start in the middle of August. When my Grampa Cleve was a kid, they got from Memorial Day to Labor Day which I think is from May to September. They also walked a lot. I don’t know about my mom’s dad, Papa Jeff, because he’s as cray as Amanda Bynes and lives back East near a dog food factory. The last thing I wanted to do was bike to the library and get a book and then read it and report it so I basically biked to my friend Alden’s house to play Call of Duty and eat crap food because his mom is cool and buys him whatever he wants like Oreo cereal, Funyuns, and Chex Mix. Sometimes we’d bike to get slushees or check under the arroyo bridges for hobo hotels. Stuff like that.
Last week, my mom took all the sheets off my bed and hid my PSP and stopped doing my laundry and feeding me so I had to go to the library and find the shortest book I could find that was “age appropriate.” The librarian was cranky as sh*t and just pointed me to the young adult section or whatever with a nasty old finger and I just grabbed a book called Slam by Nick Hornby. Never heard of him before but the back of the book so he wrote some movies or something. I have to be honest, I read about half of it. Okay, maybe a quarter, but it was fine. I had no problems with it. It was about this kid Sam and teenage pregnancy. I guess that’s the theme or whatever.
I hope English is not boring this year and we don’t have to read too much, especially boring books.
Your New Student